Too much of a good thing?

Happy Day after Christmas!!!!

I had such a wonderful Christmas and it was so much better than Thanksgiving!!!
Andrew and I left Christmas Eve morning right after he got home from work. We finished wrapping up some presents and making an I.O.U. card for my mom because her present hadn't gotten here yet and then we hit the road. When we arrived in Dyersburg, we first went to Andrew's house and sat with Katie (sis-n-law) and then went to my house. I wish that everyone could see my dog when she sees our family's dog. They love each other. I'm so thankful that we have a dog that gets along so well with most dogs. Andrew and I then went back to his house and waited for his dad to get home after being on the road since Thanksgiving. We then attended the First Baptist Church's Service to see my mom play. My sister and I have a hard time sitting by each other because we get so tickled. At First Baptist, their music minister talks just like Matthew McCaunahey(sp?) and their pastor is just like that page from 30 Rock. Christmas morning we opened presents with my family and then we to my grandparents home for brunch. After brunch we went to Andrew's house for lunch/dinner. We were able to spend a lot of time with each member of the family.

Here's a list of my Christmas presents:
1. Heated blanket
2. Cozy Cuff-like a snuggie but better
3. Sweater
4. 1 scarf
5. 2 scarf
6. 3 scarf
7. 4 scarf
8. 5 scarf
9. 6 scarf
10. 7 scarf
11. Then my grandmother made us play dirty santa for a guess what?
8 scarf
The funny thing about getting so many scarves was that they were all those $5.00 ones from Wal-mart and I didn't get a single repeat.

I got other things too:
My parents gave Andrew and I the rest of the money we needed for the chair we put in layaway. Yay!!!
One of my favorite gifts was the Bible my parents got me. It's my Big Girl Bible because it has my married name on it and it has a larger font so that I can read it as my blindness progresses during life. It's really really nice.

Today, I'm spending my day after Christmas wrapped in my Cozy Cuff and watching Love and Basketball.

Stuff Christians Like

I love love LOVE the stuff Christians like website. Jon Acuff has a way of being extremely funny; i.e. Why can't we have a Christian Lady Gaga?

He has started something called Serious Saturdays and this one just hit home to me.


9 words that changed my life.Dec 19th by Jon

"9 words that changed my life.", url: "http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/12/9-words-that-changed-my-life/" });
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Sometimes, hope hurts.

It shouldn’t. The phrase, “hope hurts” should be an oxymoron like “Lady Gaga gospel album.” But I promise you, it’s not.
Sometimes when you’re so deep in a season of hurt, you get used to the bad. You start to think you deserve it. You start to expect it and get comfortable with it and get numb to it. And like a creature that lives so far down on the bottom of the sea, you adapt to it. You cobble together little survival mechanisms that help you get through. You get by.

But hope is tenacious …

Even in the darkest of my days, when I’d journal about suicide and despair, a fragment of hope still bounced about softly in the dryer of my head. (When you’re married with kids and have lots of laundry to do, 42% of your metaphors and analogies become housework flavored.)
There was a problem though, there was a painful obstacle between me and hope. You see, I was so far down the path of hopelessness, I was so lost and selfish and bent on destruction that I found myself in a terrible lose-lose situation. For example: If my wife was kind to me, I felt hurt because she didn’t know how hurtful I was secretly being to her with porn and a cadre of lies that would have killed her. If my wife was mean to me, I felt hurt because she had been mean to me. Any way I turned, simply resulted in more grossness.

And that is one of sin’s goals. Not simply to remove the good from your life, but to have it actually serve as a weapon of mass destruction.

Have you ever felt that way?
Have you ever felt completely unworthy when someone offers you love?
Have you ever been ashamed of the lies you’re living when someone offers you truth?
Have you ever felt undeserving of something good, because deep down, you believed that person wouldn’t really love you if they knew who you were?

It’s very possible that I’m the only one, and that’s OK. But I do need to tell you about the 9 words in the Bible that changed the way hope felt for me.
I’ve written about this before, but I’m a big fan of “edge verses.” I’m a big fan of looking on the periphery of a scene in the Bible and seeing all the deep truth that often gets hidden amidst a major scene. And in Luke 22 that certainly happens.

Jesus is on the threshold of getting crucified. He has the last supper with his disciples. He is sharing his thoughts on the father and the concept of serving and ruling. There is a sense of great importance heavy in the air. In the middle of that, he has a short conversation with Simon about how he is going to betray him.

It’s going to happen. Jesus knows this, but he wishes it wasn’t. He says to Simon in Luke 22:31-32:
Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.
And then, in 9 words, he explains a big part of the reason I thought a mess-up like me could be a Christian.
Jesus tells Simon:
“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
That’s it, those are 9 really simple words, but they demand a second look.
Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, And when you have turned back? He’s saying:
And when you fail.
And when you sin.
And when you blow it and sell me out like a common thief.
And when you literally and physically turn your back on me.
And when you ruin it all.
When you turn back.
That concept is part of why our God is so different than everything we expect. We can turn back. There’s a return. There’s a comeback. There’s a loss and a brokenness and a state of falling, but you can turn back. That door is open. When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like.
Then you get to the part that is so easy to miss, the comma. Thank God for the comma, because that’s not how I would have written that sentence.
Mine would have looked more like:
“And when you have turned back, repent for three years before you try to get within a mile of my holiness.”
“And when you have turned back, don’t think for a second you’re qualified to tell other people about me.”
“And when you have turned back, here’s a long list of works you’ll need to do in order to clean yourself of the mistakes you’ve made and the consequences you’ve earned.”
But Christ doesn’t do that! He throws in a comma. He continues the sentence and simply says, “strengthen your brothers.”
Four years ago I ruined my life, but you know what?
God gave me the gift of the comma.
And that’s why I write Stuff Christians Like.
I have turned back. Not once, not twice, but a million times. And now it’s time to strengthen my brothers.
I don’t know what you’ll get this Christmas for a present, but please know this, God wants to give you the comma. He wants to give you grace. He wants you to know that when you have turned back, you can still strengthen your brothers.
It’s time to accept the comma of grace.

The Christmas Story

I have heard the story of Jesus' birth since I was a small tot. Every Christmas my BamBam (Grandfather) reads us the story. Never once have I really really really considered Mary. It says in Luke that she was "favored" by God.
This is what we know:
1. She was a sinner
2. She was willing to do what was asked, even though she didn't really know what she was agreeing too.
3. She called herself a servant for God.

Mary had to have had some great characteristics in order for God to pick her to be Jesus' earthly mother. He must have known that she was going to be a wonderful mother and loved him without ceasing. It takes a strong woman to raise a child and then watch him die on a cross.
I wish that the Bible talked about Mary more. I wish we knew more of her characteristics.

I want to be like Mary. I want to be someone that God would choose to do something important. I don't think God would have chosen me to be the Virgin Mary. Thankfully, that ship has sailed. But to think that God might one day look at me and say, "I want Dana to..."

As much as I would want to be a Mary, I think I am more of an Elizabeth. God choose her as well, but to give birth to John the Baptist. Now, John was great but he wasn't Jesus. I also love how Zechariah doubted God's promise to him. I do that all the time. I say, "No Way. I think it will be better this way." To prove His point, God shut him up until Elizabeth gave birth.

Mary has compassion, humilily, and sympathy. I want that.

Sooo...I got called fat AGAIN today. Not in a nice way either. She just came right out and said, "You've gotten fat."

What do you say to that?

Here I was having a good day. I got up 30 minutes earlier to get on the treadmill and I did it. I did my hair this morning and got to work a minute earlier than necessary. Once again...at least my hair looks nice.

Poo on Self-Esteem

I have always had low self-esteem. I don't know if it is genetic, but I do believe that parents pass on their insecurities to their children. Growing up, I would hear my mom tell about how she was so shy and self-conscious growing up. She would share how she had horrible acne and that she didn't know how to tame her curly hair. I remember the first time I got a zit and she told me of my fate-My father and her both had horrible acne problems and I surely was going to receiving these little blessings. OH NO!!! Thankfully (and selfishly) the acne gene grazed over me and landed like a tub of oil and puss on my sister. I have had pimples, but not bad enough to have to go to dermatologists. The reason that I'm sharing this lovely piece of information with all of my devoted readers (hahaha!!!) is that I have to teach my young impressionable clients about self-esteem. I struggle with this every year. How am I supposed to teach these girls to recognize their strong points and be proud of how God created them when I constantly struggle with this myself?

Psalm 34:5 says: "Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."

2 Corinthians 3:18 says:
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Psalms 139
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Anyone who has ever lived with me would tell you that I am lazy with getting ready. I have gotten a little better with age, but I hate putting make-up on and doing my hair. In college, you were lucky if I showered that day. If I did shower, you could pretty much bet that my hair would be back in a ponytail and there would be little or no make-up on. I felt that make-up wasn't covering up my imperfections, so let them shine. I also didn't have much to do with my hair because it took so long to do.

I have learned several things though over the past couple of months.
1. I have great hair.

This takes a lot for me to say, because for the longest time I believed that there wasn't anything great about my appearance. I have come to this conclusion because of my mother. My mom complained about her kinky curly hair everyday and now it's gone. We don't know how her hair is going to look after it grows back after chemo, so her beautiful curly hair might be gone forever. I need to be thankful for what God has given me and take care of it NOW. I have been trying to do my hair more. I used to wear my hair in a ponytail at least 3 days out of the work week. Now, I'm only allowing myself to do that one time-unless there's an emergency and I am running extremely late.

2. I have pretty eyes.

This has not come out of my mind, but out of the mouths of babes. I was doing a visit with one of my precious children that I could just take home with me and love on and I had let her older sister participate in the visit. We were playing a game called "The Feel Good Every Day Game." I pulled a card that said "say something nice to the person on your right." I said something nice to the sister on my right. She wasn't supposed to say anything back to me, but she did. She told me that I had beautiful eyes and my client agreed with her. I just told the girls thank you, but inside I was thinking,"Do I really?" I did not go home and stare at myself in the mirror, but I just took their words for it.

High self-esteem can not be built by your parents telling you that you are beaufiful, it can not be built by your friend telling you that you are not ugly, and it certainly can't be improved by dating guys and marrying someone who is not ugly. I know that Andrew thinks that I am beautiful, but I could be a super model and still be dealing with self-esteem issues. Stephanie's job puts a majoy emphasis on outward appearance. I couldn't do it. Luckily, I am in a job that people just want you to care and listen. My friend Leslie who does the same job as me in another county said it wisely,"My clients don't fix their mullets for me, so why should I fix mine for them?" Leslie doesn't have a mullet by the way.

I am thankful that God uses me and that through my imperfections, God is made perfect.

Black Friday

Thanksgiving was wonderful!!

I came home on Wednesday night sans hubs to celebrate my dad's 50th birthday. My mom donned her wig and my sister, dad, and I ate at the new Japanese Hibachi restaurant in Dyersburg and then watched The Blind Side. That movie was wonderful and I enjoyed the time spent with family.

Thursday morning, my sister cook sausage pinwheels, which is a Holiday morning tradition. I then cooked Pineapple Casserole for my family's Thanksgiving meal. Andrew drove to Dyersburg that morning and I met him at his family's for their Thanksgiving. Andrew's family is always fun because at one point our nephew Jacob was being punished in the backroom, niece Anna was upset because Jacob had messed up her toys, Andrew's developmentally delayed sister Stephanie was also crying for some reason. Andrew did a wonderful job of calming his 28 year old sister down. The food was great, and then we immediately left for my family's Thanksgiving. I played Spinner Dominoes and Skip-bo with my sister, cousin, and grandmother. We had a wonderful time! Andrew had to leave that evening to head back to work.

Then Friday hit.

My dad had to get back on the road (truck driver) at 12:00am. When the truck was backing out of our driveway at 1:00am, Portia (my wonderful dog) started barking and growling at the huge lights at the cab. I fussed at her, she stopped. I went back to bed. Then she started again. I grabbed her and brought her into my bedroom. Portia did not want to stay in the room and fussed and whined. I then decided that if she wanted to be outside, she would go OUTSIDE! My original plan was to put her into the garage, but because of how my mom's van was parked I couldn't close the garage. At this point I didn't care, I threw the dog outside. I went to bed, not feeling guilty until I started thinking," What if she starts to chase a deer and runs too far away?" or "What if a bobcat gets her?" Thankfully, I woke up with her safely laying on the couch. I could wipe the sweat off of my brow. 

My mom had a rough Friday morning. She said that she woke up feeling great and she knew that it was going to be a pretty good day. She shared with me that with chemo, not only did she lose the hair on her head, but her nose hairs as well. Because of that, she has no barrier to hold in any boogers or to stop her nose from running. Her eyes also water all the time. This particular morning, my mom was taking her liquid vitamin and suddenly had to run to the bathroom to throw up. My mom keeps using positive self-talk. All morning I heard her saying things to herself like:

1. Only 3 more [Chemo treatments] left. Only 3 more left.

2. You are not going to get sick. You are not going to get sick.

3. You will not throw up again. You will not throw up again. 

4. You will get through this. You will get through this.

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for family support. I never would have thought that this year would be like this. I'm ready for 2010 to get here and the chemo treatments to be in the past. 

Wendi Aarons

I love Wendi Aarons! I have been following her blog for a while. Sometimes her stuff is absolutely hilarious, and at other times it inappropriate. I realize that, but I still think that she is so funny. Here is her latest blog post from www.wendiaarons.com

Dear Mrs. Aarons,

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for our school to put together its annual “Holiday Family Recipe” book. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how very special this book is to both parents and children alike. After all, what could be a more glorious way to celebrate the spirit of the season than by sharing our favorite family recipes with each other? I know my family’s Christmas Eve night wouldn’t be complete without “Joshua B.’s Favorite Egg Noggy” or “Madison R.’s Sugar Cookies.” (Although between you and me, “Ethan G.’s Pork Kabobs” never seem to agree with me.)

The school staff knows that you’ve enthusiastically participated in this project over the years, and we thank you for that. However, seeing as how there have been some, well, issues with most or all of your contributions, this year the administration has decided to give you some better guidelines as to what exactly constitutes a “traditional” holiday recipe. We hope that this will help give you a better understanding of what we deem appropriate for our very special book.

Acceptable Recipes:

Grandma’s Chocolate Cookies

Aunt Sally’s Cornbread

The Peterson’s Pumpkin Pie

Unacceptable Recipes:

A label of ingredients torn off a package of Double Stuffed Oreos

The phone number to Wang’s Chinese Kitchen

“The Aarons Family’s Mindwiper Punch”(Even if the recipe has been in your family for over three generations, this is still not acceptable.)

Recipes stolen from well-known chefs with their names crossed out in Sharpie

A piece of paper upon which is written, “When You’ve Got A Rack Like Mine, You Don’t Have to Cook, Yo”

50% off coupons for the Hoodia Rush appetite suppressant for “all the ladies who need to drop a few” and/or “all the ladies who like a good holiday buzz, y’all”

A recipe for “A Night of Animal Passion” ripped out of Cosmo magazine(We can’t even begin to tell you how unacceptable this is, and trust me when I say the members of our staff who made multiple photocopies of it have been dealt with accordingly.)

And finally, a photograph of a live turkey with the caption, “Bang!”

Mrs. Aarons, we sincerely hope you’ll take these suggestions to heart. We hope you’ll submit something that can actually include this year’s book, rather than once again be put through our industrial shredder. Let’s make this a happy holiday for all.
Sincerely,
The School Staff

Cooking Lately?

I have to preface this by saying that God has blessed me with wonderful clients. They are so funny and so strong. I learn a lot about life from them.

There is one particular client who is overweight. This is important to know. She is wonderful and has done a great job with her granddaughter and niece that she has custody of. This particular client loves me as well. She should, I (Carl Perkins Center) have paid her rent and utilities and I have found her a new house (my old house).

Last night at our monthly support group, she randomly made the statement that I looked as if I had been cooking more.

What?

I didn't quite understand and then she politely informed me that I had gained weight (which I know). This lady called me out on being fat!!!! Even though I'm technically not fat, but I am on the fast track to Ruby status if I don't get my growing butt into gear.

I'm pretty sure that my client thought that she was complimenting me on my weight gain, but I've never ever been close to anorexic. I have always been a curvy girl. If my boodabongas (boobs) grow any larger, they will need their own zipcode. They are even larger than Ruby's in this picture. I'm not bragging. I'm disgusted!!

So,needless to say, as soon as I got home from the support group I threw my running shoes on, took a good deep puff on the inhaler and got to treadmillin'. I walked briskly while watching Talladega Nights and ran during the commercials. I just kept thinking if Ricky Bobby could go back to racing, I could get on the treadmill (not really).

Speaking of Ricky Bobby, I don't even like the movie that much. With Andrew and my 1 yr wedding anniversary around the corner, I have become sentimental. Talladega Nights reminds me of our honeymoon because it was on TV when at the hotel while we ate the food that the caterers packed in a basket for us. Random, but we were tired and very hungry.

For today - Friday, November 13, 2009

Outside my window - Sunny and cool. It's a beautiful day!

I am thinking - About the Women's Retreat I'm about to go on

I am thankful - That my husband and I both have jobs

I am wearing - Jeans and our Turkey Trot t-shirt. It's a Friday!

I am remembering - My eight pager pager due on Monday

I am creating - Nothing. I hope to make some homemade gifts to save money for Christmas this year though

I am going - To get my paperwork done today. Correction-This MORNING!

I am reading - A new Jodi Picoult book

I am hoping - To get some Christmas shopping done this weekend

On my mind - A lot of my friends from high school are becoming pregnant. I'm surrounded!

Pondering these words - When you do the common things of life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. ~George Washington Carver

From the kitchen - Leftover Poppy seed Chicken Casserole from last night

Around the house - Once again, my house needs cleaning. It's a never ending cycle

One of my favorite things - Watching The Office with my husband

A few plans for the rest of the week - Women's Retreat this weekend, work on my paper, take a test, and get some Christmas shopping done.

http://danaandandrew.blogspot.com/

Okay, I did it and I'm not ashamed. Stephanie, you can stop rolling your eyes now!!!! I was really bored at work and I created a blog for Andrew and I that our families can read. I hope that I can get Andrew to write a few blogs on there. We have become one of those, but I truely enjoy reading my friends' newlywed blogs with the recipes and stuff. I don't really have any receipes to add, but I will find some!!

"He said, 'Take now your son...'" Genesis 22:2

God's command is,"Take now," not later. Isn't it incredible how we debate with God? When God wants us to do something or to follow him, it really isn't negotiable.
"So Abraham rose early in the morning...and went to the place of which God had told him" (22:3).
Oh, the wonderful simplicity of Abraham! When God spoke, he did it. He didn't call his friends and discuss or analyze. Abraham didn't even get to choose what his sacrifice was going to be. He wasn't like,"God, I know my son is wonderful, bbuuutt look at that purty little flawless lamb or pig or goat or gorilla over there." During my devotional today, I read this: If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential will of God means a hard and difficult time for you, go through it. But never decide the place of your own martydrom as if to say, "I will only go to there,, but no farther."

Happiness and Passions

I am overflowing with happiness today. One of the reasons is that Meredith Westomoreland is supposed to have her baby today. What is so exciting about this is because it will be their first girl!! I'm really not sure why I am THIS excited about it. I mean, I haven't seen them since Emily and Dennis's wedding and I don't frequent Martin for any reason, so I don't know when I will be able to see Baby Girl. I'm just excited for them as a family.

I'm also really excited because my work friend is pregnant!!! I just found out this morning when her husband and her came to my center to get some things to take to her county. She was lifting a box and her husband gently reminded her not to lift anything she wasn't supposed to. WHAT?? She then informed me that she was 11 weeks preggers!!! I'm really excited for her and I can't wait to see what sort of mom she is going to be.

The excitement of all this get my biological clock ticking. Tick Tick Tick. I want to be a mother so bad, but I know that I need to wait until Andrew is more comfortable with the idea (he does have SOME say) and I want to be done with grad school. My cousin is going to school to be a Nurse Practioner and she was driving around town last week trying to find someone to watch her 1 year old because she had a paper due that day and she can't really take her eyes off of her toddler. She advised me to wait until I was done with school.


Adoption!!!! We had a speaker at our church discuss adoption this past Sunday. I honestly wouldn't mind adopting or being a foster parent. Andrew is not so keen on the idea. It takes someone with a special heart that will love a child as equally as a child they give birth to. I know that I would. It is expensive to adopt and my heart and prayers have been going out to Daniel and Emily Doss. This goes into my next passion (blog stalking). Emily and Daniel were chosen by a birthmother to adopt her baby, Jeremiah. With 10 weeks left in her pregnancy, the birthfather showed up and his parents didn't want their grandchild to be given up for adoption, which is understandable. Because of this, the birthmother stopped the adoption and Emily and Daniel (who had already painted Jeremiah's room) aren't getting the baby. I cried for them when I read her blog and I have never met her. I would love to work with adoptions someday. There is a place called Bethany Christian Services, which has a location in Memphis. I would love to see the look on a family's face when they see their child for the first time.

Blog Stalking (Blurking)
One of my favorite new blogs-Bryan Allain asked people to comment on his blog and give him their favorite blogs. WOWZA!! Jackpot!!! I have found some good ones. It's good because Jenny from Addison Road hasn't been able to post regularly and Amy Grant is boring.

“It’s our domain, we will never bow to the phone!” -Jerry Seinfeld

The other evening, before I fell asleep, I was watching the beginning of a Seinfeld episode. Elaine, Jerry, and George were all standing on the side of the road together. Elaine then pulls out her cell phone and proceeds to call a friend to see how she was feelings. During the phone conversation, Elaine was experienceing very bad reception and eventually had to hang up because the static was so bad. George and Jerry then gave Elaine a very hard time about how horrible it was to call a friend on a cell phone. In fact Jerry even calls it a cell phone walk-and-talk. The Seinfeld dictionary says that it is

Cell Phone Walk and Talk - when a person calls to convey their concern (for a friend's sick relative), but callously calls from a cellular phone on the street out of convenience

George even calls Elaine's cell phone usage a faux paus. They inform her that it was very inconsiderate and her friend was most likely insulted because Elaine did not take the time to call from her home phone to show that she cares and that using your cell phone shows that you don't want to take time out of your busy schedule for a friend.

It's amazing how times have changed in just a short while. Andrew and I don't even have a home phone, much like many of my friends and in-laws. On one hand, it saves you money but in the process you miss chatting with random people when they call your home wanting to speak to someone else. I very rarely talk to my father or mother in-law because they don't call my cell phone. My fnl might call me if he knows that Andrew is asleep, but on the rare occurence that that happens, we don't chat and make niceties with each other.

My bff Steph (I like how that rhymes) and I have almost opposite schedules. I can usually talk during the day, while at night by the time Steph gets off work I am exhausted and I might be working on homework, which seems to be the case more often than not. If we didn't have cell phones, I dont' know what we would do. We tend to call each other at least eight times a day, but we might only talk once or we might talk all eight time, but only about a minute at a time. We have to use cell phones and call when we are in the car because that might be the only time that we have. Stephanie out of pocket from about 3:00-6:15 when the A Block is over on the news. Sometimes she doesn't get off work until 8 or so and that's when they kick her out of the station. Cell phones are a necessaity. Stephanie also has to keep up with 2 cell phones, one if which is like her baby. She almost does need a baby monitor for her cell phone, just in case. What did we do without them? Cell phones, not baby montiors.

Calling someone on your cell phone does show that you care, in fact I believe that it's more personal because not everyone has your cell phone number. You can look up someone's home number, but they might not want you to call them. In this day and age, you can even put a picture of someone when they call and assign them their own personal ringtone. My sister's ringtone sings,"Your sister is calling you, to see what you're up to." It doesn't annoy me too much, because typically we just text each other. There's a lady who works in my office and when her husband calls her (which is quite a bit) I hear,"Pookie, pick up your phone!" Someone else's ring tone is an obnoxious child laughing. Jerry said that he will never bow to the phone. Today we are not only bowing, but we are getting out of the cell phone's way.

Stressors

I know that everyone has a stressful life. People handle their stressors differently. Whenever I discuss stress with my clients I always enjoy telling them the story of how my college roommate decided that when her 20 page paper was almost due, that was the perfect time to organize her room, hang out with all of the friends she had neglected until a time like this and then she would stay up for 48 hours straight and complain about getting the paper done. My kids like that story.

Recently, I have felt the stressors in my life barrelling down on me. There is always a certain time of year when I start becoming more emotional/depressed/moody/whatever. I can't ever remember what time of the year that is. Steph, do you?? Maybe that's where I'm at right now.

Here's what's been going on:
I'm going to be as open and honest as possible.

Work: I have not been able to focus. I am so thankful for the people that surround me everyday that help me out. I don't know what I would do without them. They have been picking up from where my mind has left. It's almost as if I'm going through the motions when I'm here but I'm still missing things I'm supposed to do. Basically, I didn't complete some of my July casenotes and all of August. That's a lot of paperwork that I didn't do. I didn't NOT do them on purpose, I just couldn't. I couldn't stop and make myself do it. I feel as if I didn't have someone to be there emotionally for me, how could I be there emotionally for my clients? I felt myself being more irritable to everyone, even the dog. I kept thinking that no one would notice and that I would get back to normal with work and fix my mistakes before Amanda (my boss) would notice. Nope! I think Amanda finally had enough of my flakiness when I forgot to tell my clients that we were having group, so no one was prepared to come and we only had 2 kids there. The next day Amanda pulled me into her office. To make a long story short, she kindly informed me that she couldn't help me anymore because it didn't seem to be helping and that she couldn't understand how I was feeling and wasn't sure how to help. She shared that the "old" Dana would have seen some of the clients as projects and challenges that needed to be won instead of annoyances. She's right. She also shared with me that I was just the type of person they needed to be a director of a center once I got my Masters. She said that "They" were watching me and just waiting until I get my degree. She said that she couldn't let me fail when I was doing so good and she would hate to fire me.That woke me up big time. During the meeting, we both ended up crying and I admitted that I knew that I wasn't there mentally or emotionally for anyone. I feel as if I'm doing better.

School: I have had 2 papers due, 2 midterms, another paper, a Homicide walk, and a book to read. I'm doing pretty good, and what I listed might seem like normal grad school work except when you are going through things like were mentioned above, it's a lot more than that. I also got a letter in the mail saying that I owed $2,300 to Union. WHAT????? I had filled out the loan application (which I have never done before because I hadn't needed too). After I had filled out the loan application, I never not an email or letter saying whether or not I received the loan. I didn't know that I was supposed to. Does anyone have that much money laying around? I don't either. When I received the letter, I IMMEDIATELY called Union, and wouldn't you know it...We're on Fall Break and no one is there. I am having to wait to find out whether or not I am actually a student. While I am waiting to find out about that, I am having to pour my heart and soul into work that might not actually county towards anything.

I just got done hosting a group for D-Now at my house. We had 6 girls and 2 leaders. They really weren't that big of a hassle, except that I was their mode of transportation to EVERYTHING!! I also didn't feel good AND I thought that I might be pregnant.

On thinking I'm pregnant:
Okay, I found out that Yaz can cause some serious side effects. I personally know someone whose daughter died because of these side effects. During this time, I stopped taking my B.C. pills until I could contact my doctor and get my pills switched. It wasn't that big of a deal not taking them because I was spending a lot of time with my mom without Andrew. Andrew was also having to work 7 days straight and he was exhausted and slept everyday up until the time he had to leave the house. I finally had the chance to call my doctor and get it switched to another pill. When I went to Walmart to pick up the prescription that they had supposedly called in for me, it wasn't there because they hadn't called it in. I refuse to take anymore Yaz. Anyway, I know that the signs of being pregnant are very similar to when you are about to start your period and I had been having those symptoms for several weeks, but no such luck with "Aunt Flo." I also have been feeling flu-like symptoms which I also read could be a hint that you are pregnant. I am always the Girl Who Cried Wolf. I think that I am pregnant pretty much every month, but I actually haven't done that in a while. Anyway, I was sitting in my office and it HIT me!!! I had a sudden wave of nausea overcome me. I grabbed the nearest trashcan and nothing happened. It happened twice that morning, but then I felt fine that evening. I know that I have thought that I was pregnant several times before, but never seriously. It was only because my period was late even though I never missed a pill. This time I was serious!! After all of that, I am semi-proud to report that I am not knocked up. The reason that I am semi-proud is because I do want a baby, just not right now. No matter when I get pregnant, whether it's with my plan or God's I will be excited.


Hopefully this week will be so much better. Pray that I will get my loan situation figured out and be able to focus at work.

My mom is losing her hair this week. The doctor told her that if she still had her hair by her 2nd Chemo treatment (Tuesday) then she won't have it the next day. My mom will be bald. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I have a difficult time talking about it and thinking about it. I guess it's like all things though, you think you can't handle it but you don't really have a choice. I will see my mom bald, get used to it. Probably by the time I get used to seeing her bald and with a wig, she will be done with her chemo and will be able to grow her hair back. Please pray for my family during this time. We need it.

This week has been the longest week in my life. I never want to have this week again, but unfortunately I will have to repeat this week 7 more times. It was so hard seeing my mom suffer this week. She said that she had never felt that bad in her life and that she wasn't sure if the chemo was worth it. I reminded her that it was worth it and she had to fight. I spent most of the night rubbing her head and putting a cool washcloth on her forehead. Every time I filled up her drink or rewet her washcloth, I started to cry. I kept praying that God would take my mom's pain away and give me the strength to see her like that. I could never ever ever be a nurse. I was so glad when my sister got home. My mom will have four 1 1/2 hours of chemo and then four 4 hr chemo treatments. If I have a hard time dealing with the results of the 1 1/2 hrs of chemo, what will I do during the 4 hour. What will my mom be like during the 4 hour?

I feel so tired and I feel like crying. I need a good friend just to sit and take my mind off of everything. I don't want to go anywhere.

Oh yeah. I got a new car. That is my light for the day. I loved my 4Runner, but it wasn't running right and I need a car that is reliable for driving kids and taking my mom back and forth from chemo. My new car is an '05 Altima. I really really like it. It has really low miles and drives like a dream. I can't wait to see what adventures my car and I will have. What should I name it? Walt the Alt? It's up for consideration.

This week started out fabulous...

NOT!!!!!!!!

My mom's chemo starts tomorrow. I'm really really really really scared. Here are the things I am scared of:
1. My mom losing her hair
2. My mom being very sick
3. My mom looking sick
4. My mom not able to be herself.
5. Having to be at two places at once.

There's a lot more worries, plus I got into an arguement with a friend. My feelings were so hurt that I cried all the way home from her house. Maybe it hurt so bad because I don't have a good record with friends. Maybe it was because I have had friends run away from me and hide because they didn't want to play with me. I have had friends who cheated on me with my boyfriend. I have had friends stab me in the back. Lie to me about wanting to hang out with me. I just thought that this friend wouldn't do that to me. I now know where I stand in her book. Whatever. It's not like I don't have enough on my plate to worry about.

Anyways, if anyone cares (probably not many) try to remember my mom and family this week. It will be tough on everyone, especially my dad because he won't be able to be there. Life is sucking right now.

Weight Watchers

I couldn't take it anymore. I hate how I look and honestly...the Wii Fit told me that I was overweight. Nope!! That's not going to happen. I have joined Weight Watchers Online. I have joined for 4 months because one month was free. I enjoy that it's online because I can't do the meeting things. I went to a meeting one time and everyone there was old and they were a lot bigger than me. I felt like they were staring at me wondering why this "skinny" girl was there. I have to enter my weight once a week and the food that I eat. That's easy. I don't have to keep up with it myself. I get 23 points a day. I can do this! I just had breakfast and it was only 3 pts. I have 20 more points today. They said that I might not start seeing results until 3 weeks into the program. That's the part I don't like. I want to do crunches and see a flatter stomach immediately!! I'm not talking six-pack abs, just smaller stomach. I want my jeans to feel looser. That doesn't happen. I have done my Wii Fit everyday for this week. I have discovered that I enjoy yoga, but my balance is the pits. I have also discovered that the arm muscles that I gained in guard have disappeared, but my abs muscles are great. I used to love push-ups. They used to be the only activity I could get the presidential for during the physical fitness test(who came up with that?) You better forget about it. Andrew gets a good laugh at my attempts though. Oh yeah, and Andrew...he looses weight just by breathing and walking to get the mail. Is he exercising? No! He just works 3rd shift which throw off everything. If I hear him complain about how his jeans are all too small and his belts aren't keeping his pants up I will slice his throat!!

Mom starts chemo on Tuesday. Her first treatment lasts for an hour and a half, after the first one it will last for 3 hours. My mom is doing okay. She is having time to process, it still doesn't feel real to her. Man, this sucks!!

Dear Diary,

Today I went to church. I was in a bad mood. I thought I was going to be the assistant Sunday school teacher for 4th and 5th graders. I was wrong, I am the assistance Sunday School teacher for 4 and 5 year olds. Oops. I didn't know that I was signing up to teach a class of children that can't read. It will be fun though. Andrew's family were no shows today even though they said they were coming to visit. Now they are coming on Labor Day. I took a nap and didn't set an alarm, because of that I missed church tonight because I woke up too late. Who knew I would take a 4 hr nap. Stephanie came down this weekend and saved my butt. The house is starting to take shape. That is all.

Thanks for listening,
Dana

And the next step is...

So...the surgery is over with and was successful. Successful in the fact that they didn't have to yell "Code Blue" or use the paddles on my mom (my mom's words). Unsuccessful in the fact that they found two pea sized cancerous tumors in her lymph nodes-but only on the left side where the original mass was found. Today we find out the stage of the cancer. This really scares me. I guess because for everyone, including my mom, this has been surreal. As my mom was showering for the first time and she was able to look at what used to be her breasts, she felt that she was looking at someone else. Knowing the stage makes it more real. But I keep reminding myself that knowing the stage doesn't change anything. Whatever stage they say that she is, she was when they discovered the cancer. Just like everything else. I will just need a little time to process. This is a scary thing. I don't like it one bit. But you know, as horrible as this whole thing is, God has been with us the entire way. We have been able to spend time with family that we typically wouldn't have been able to. We are still able to laugh and have a good time, even if it's in the hospital room.

Mat Kearney has a song called Closer to Love. My favorite line from the song is "I guess we are all one phone call from our knees." That's what I feel like every day.

Even with the rug pulled out from under my family, life still goes on.
1. Grad school classes start Monday afternoon. I'm excited!
2. Andrew and I are official home owners, except that the lady who owned the home misunderstood when closing was and still has some of her crap in the home. We haven't gotten the keys yet. I'm going to charge her rent.
3. Andrew's (keeping fingers crossed) about to get a promotion.

Yoo-Hoo is my crack

There are no words to explain my frustration with one of my families. Yesterday I couldn't get motivated because I just knew what was coming around 2:30 and I knew that I was going to have to work with the child of the family. It's just stressful because I don't know how to make this family better. Anyway, after a LONG stressful day (I didn't get off work until around 7:00pm) I came home to my wonderful husband. He was wonderful last night--the night before not so much because we got into a huge argument. I came home to Andrew making dinner for me, but that wasn't what made him wonderful. Don't get me wrong! Coming home to dinner made was great, except that I had texted him earlier saying that I hadn't had lunch and I was going to be working late so if he wanted dinner at a reasonable hour, then he was going to have to make it. The thing that made him wonderful wasn't the Oreo pie that he attempted to make as a surprise. The thing that made him wonderful was that when I sat down on the couch and rested my aching head in my hands, my husband handed me a Yoo-Hoo. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing Hosanna in my head.


I have an obsession with chocolate milk. I think it's my father's fault. Whenever Lisa and I would be with my dad he would always take us to the gas station to get some chocolate milk. I think I associate chocolate milk with happy times. Chocolate milk is my go to drink after a hard day. I don't get it very often. When I was at Walgreens, I think twice I bought a Yoo-Hoo. My coworkers knew that if Dana was seen with a chocolate milk-don't mess with her. There's something soothing about the chocolate milk flavor. It's intense. The high is so wonderful, there are no words to explain it. Yesterday just happened to be one of those days. Andrew had no idea that I would need a Y00-Hoo. He just saw them and thought he would make up for being such a jerk the night before.

Thank God for Yoo-Hoos!

When did my little sister get so smart? I don't know. I called my lil sis and shared with her how I was feeling about our mom having breast cancer. Basically I told her that I have divided God into 2 parts. One part is the good God who is almighty and wonderful and all of the other adjectives. The other part is the God that I am not so crazy about. I think I have done this in my head so that I won't be made at God entirely. I do struggle to sing songs about how great our God is even though I have divided Him up. Here is the conversation with my sister:

Lisa: Don't you just see how God has been taking care of us all along?
Me: Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I can't be angry at Him. If God would just show me the last page of the book, then maybe I'll be fine. I want to know why my mom got cancer and if she is going to live through this and I want to know who's life she impacted because of it.
Lisa: Well...you can't do that. You just need to remember that hopefully we will be able to be a good witness for our family members and other people who are around us because of how we are relying on God and not letting this take over our entire life. Do you remember when Daddy lost his job?
Dana: Yeah
Lisa: Well during that period when he didn't have a job, that was when he had to have his battery replaced in his pacemaker. He wouldn't have known that he needed to do that unless he was home and was able to go to the doctor.
Dana: I know.
Lisa: And do you realize that as soon as he was better and able to get back on the road, he got another job and not only did God provide that job when everyone else was struggling to find jobs, God provided another job for him immediately when he wasn't liking his job so much.
Dana: I can see your point.
Lisa: And don't you think it's a little amazing that Daddy had just happened to plan a trip home the week after Mom was diagnosed.
Lisa: Also, it was a God thing for me because we found out the day I returned from my mission trip. Just think, if we had found out during the summer I would have been really angry because I couldn't come home and angry at God. What type of missionary would I have been and what kind of example would I have been if I was angry at God throughout the summer? Don't blame God, Dana. God has his hands in everything even if we don't know the reasons for it. Don't stop worshipping His Greatness because the rug was pulled out from under us. God is still taking care of everything we do. Mom is not angry, she is relying on God. God knows the last page of the book and that's all that matters.

Psalms 46:10 Be still and Know that I am God

A lady at church reminded me of this verse. I just keep repeating it to myself and know that God is taking care of everything. He hasn't walked away and forgotten to come back because he is so busy. God knows my family. God is hearing our prayers and not only our prayers but all of the people that are praying for my mom. People who don't even know my family that well are praying for us.


"Thank you, God, for remembering my family and please give me the peace to know that Your way is the ultimate and the best way."

I think this morning I can post about this without going into hysterics. I'm only going to type this one time and one time only. I have a hard enough time saying the word, let alone typing it. Here it is:


My wonderful mother has breast cancer.


I am afraid. Scared. Sad. Angry. Confused. Upset. Shocked. Worried. Put all of those words together and maybe a few more and that's how I feel. I'm not going to go into too many details, because I start crying and end up on the floor crying out to God and I am at work. But, the mass is in her left breast and behind the nipple, which means that even if we caught it early enough (which we don't know yet) she is going to have to have a mastectomy. We are discussing the options of having a double mastectomy that way she will not have to worry about the cancer spreading to her other breast and she could have a nice perky matching pair. We are scared of the unknown. I hate that I am so far away from my mother. Well, 2 hours isn't so far away but it is when you are as close to your mother as I am. We are wanting to have the surgeries as soon as possible so that we can get rid of the not knowing part. We don't even know what stage she is in yet.


Please please please keep my family in your prayers. My dad is a truck driver and doesn't get to come home very much. Luckily he had planned to come home next week anyway. It's hard for both of them. My mom has a very strong faith, but we keep asking Why me? Why her? Why my mother? My mom runs 5 miles a day. Eats healthy and has more energy than anyone I know. It just goes to show that cancer is the most unbiased thing in the world. I am not handling it very well. Yesterday and the day before was really tough on me. So far today I haven't gotten too upset. Just remember us in your prayers.

Eau de Skunk

Ssoooo....my house smells like skunk!! I was sitting on the couch, enjoying my Sunday evening with Portia and Andrew. I started smelling this horrible smell. I immediately looked at Portia, because who else who else could cause such a foul smell. Oh no, I realized that it was a skunk smell. The best we can figure was that a skunk sprayed this random black dog that runs around the neighborhood somewhere around our house and the air conditioner was blowing the smell in. Can you bathe your home in whatever you use to get rid of the smell?

Friday Rut

It's finally Friday!! Isn't it funny how weeks always fly by, but we get excited about Fridays everytime as if it takes forever to get to them. Fridays normally mean one thing for me...Procrastination. I gradually do get my work done. It just takes a little longer. I have read all of my blogs, checked Perez Hilton (don't judge me, Steph!!) a few times, Facebook and I have become good friends today. I have even found a new band that I really like, The Script.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlR3aMRDick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2omyqxbsKw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7fv5dlozk8

Seriously, check them out! I found them courtesy of Dave Barnes. Yes! That Dave Barnes on Twitter! I have also found out today that Hanson is coming to Nashville on Oct 27th. It's a Tuesday which means I can't go. *tear* I have also researched TOMS shoes. I really like them and I am considering buying a $44.00 pair. That's pretty expensive for shoes, but really it's 2 for 1. I have also considered buying a pair for Steph for her birthday, but she would never wear them. You could even get Vegan shoes. In my heart of hearts I am a vegan/vegetarian except that I eat meat. What?! I don't have a problem eating meat and chicken, but I don't want to look at it being killed. Seriously. If you showed me enough videos of cows and chickens being killed I could be a vegan. Andrew wouldn't like that too much though. How can I try to prevent Child Abuse and not animal abuse. Maybe I should work for PETA, but I don't think they would like someone who eats meat. Hhmmm. Maybe I just like the idea of being socially aware, but not really following through with my ideas. Should'a could'a would'a is what I always say.

Stephanie might get to have lunch with me today. Yay!!!That Might is a pretty big Might. Actually it probably won't happen because that's usually what happens when Stephanie tries to make plans.

Last night I was in a really foul mood. I mean really foul. I can usually tell when I am because thoughts and words come out of my mouth that would normally not even be close to what I would feel. I was angry at the world. I was angry that my husband doesn't understand my fear of tornadoes and why if the weather man says the warning is until 7:20pm, I have to stay in a safe place until 7:30pm because he might be wrong, even if it has stopped storming, the sun is shining, and everything is fine. He's doing good to have me in the living room during a Tornado Watch. If I had my way, I would have been in the tub with a mattress over my head and a Bible in my hand quoting Psalms 23.

Rebecca!!!

Rebecca!! I want one. Not a Hanson brother but a I Heart Tulsa shirt!!!!!!!!! You need one, we all need one. I just want you to know that if I was you, I would spend every free moment trying to find someone with the Hanson family. I would be their friend and then I could meet them. Then I would be their baby-sitter and then they would invite me on tour with them. Then Zac would tell me that he was sorry that he didn't meet me sooner and that he hates that we are both married. J/K!! But I do want that shirt.

What What!!!

Okay. Since I wrote that blog about venting about the housing market and Josh, here's an update:

The actual realtor of the house has been on vacation for the past month. What that means is that Josh was the one who was making all of the crazy counter offers. The real realtor, Ron Stallings, is that wonderful man who let me watch TV in his office when I lived in the Crye-leike building.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31070464&l=17219a6664&id=184100464

He called our realtor and told her that were too close to making a deal and the lady who was selling the house accepted our offer. So as of today....Andrew and I are in contract to buy a home!!!

Here it is!!! Unfortunately the boat was not included. If everything goes well, we will be in the home by September 1st at the latest. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. I wonder how long it will take us to get used to having 2 bathrooms. I'm so excited!!!!!

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Getting Old

Okay. I know. I'm 23. In the grand scheme of things, that's not old. That's actually not old at all. Most people my age are living the good life of partying all the time and living with reckless abandon. Not me. I'm old. Here are the reasons why I am old:

1. I have to get my sleep. I don't mean party til 3 am then sleep til 1 pm. I mean go to bed around 9:30 if I'm lucky and sleep until 7:30am. Even on weekends. I'm a party pooper.

2. I don't like to text. It takes me forever. I don't like all of the symbols and abbreviations for things. What's wrong with a good ole' phone call. So many young whippersnappers have really "deep" relationships with people and they can't even talk face to face.

3. I have considered buying wrinkle cream. I don't' have wrinkles yet. But I did watch an Oprah about 5 years ago and she had older women who looked really young on there. There was one lady who started using wrinkle cream when she was 18. I'm already 5 years behind!! Yikes!

4. My body feels old. I ache and I crack all the time.

5. I have no control over my flatulence. I will just be standing in line at a store and it just happens. I turn around as if to say,"Did you hear that? Who was the rude person who let that fly?"

6. The music that I used to love isn't so hot anymore. I was riding with children and an *NSYNC song came on. I automatically turned it up so everyone else could sing along...I was the only one singing. They hadn't even heard of *NSYNC. I bet they had never heard of Hanson either.

There are a lot more reasons I'm sure. I haven't even reached 25 yet. I don't even have children. How am I going to keep up with rugrats? Oh yeah. I am also turning into my mother. That will have to be another blog another time.

GGrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

I am so angry.

I am one of those people who hates when someone gets angry at them. It just eats at me. Okay, here's what has happened:

Andrew and I have been househunting. When I moved here over a year ago, I didn't have a place to live. One of our board members, Josh, let me live in the Crye-leike building for a reasonably low amount of money. He even hooked me up with my landlord Ben when he heard that Ben had bought a house and needed a renter. I wrote Josh a thank you letter telling him how much I appreciated him.

Okay now back to buying a home. Andrew and I were interested in a home. Who did we call? Josh at Crye-leike. Josh wasn't at work at the time and his brother Todd (who I also know) offered to show us this house. While Todd was showing us this house, Andrew and I made it clear to him that we were very interested in purchasing a house. The next day, Andrew call the Crye-leike office. Josh answered and was not friendly at all with Andrew. Josh didn't know it was Andrew on the phone, but if he was rude and short with him on the phone why in the world would we want to do business with him. We then talked to Todd and made an offer on the house that we looked at. When Todd contacted the business that was selling the home, he was informed that there was already an offer on the table. After that, did Josh or Todd tell us about any other homes that we could look at that were in our price range? No! Did they offer to show us any more homes? No!

After that, whenever Andrew and I were driving around and saw a home that was for sale, we would just call that real estate office to find out the price of the home. We had contacted Childers Real Estate first. Mr. Childers was nice, but he as well didn't offer to show us any more homes. Now, my family has moved around enough for me to know that the realtor has always shown my family several homes that we in our price range, after all they are trying to make a profit here. Andrew and I then contacted Vandiver United Country to ask about the price on a house they were selling. Amy, the realtor, answered the phone and informed us that there was a contract on that house and it was closing in 2 weeks. She then said that she wasn't in the office but she would call us back in about 30 minutes to see if there were any more homes that we might be interested in. Amy called us back and offered to show us about 7 more homes. She even knew people who had had homes on the market in our price range but had taken them off the market because the market was so slow. She even called those people to see if they were interested in possibly placing their home back on the market. She was wonderful. She was nice and it turns out that all of her family does to our church and she has some in-laws that live across the street from my family in Dyersburg. Amy was working for us!! She was doing what she was supposed to do! Andrew and I then found a home that we loved...sold by Crye-leike.

Josh is now apparently really pissed off at me. He said that he gave me a place to live when there wasn't any other options and he didn't make any money off of that. He then found me a house to rent and he didn't make any money off of that. He has threatened to quit the board because of me. What the heck?? He was the one who wasn't doing his job!! Yeah, I admit he did do a lot for me, but when it comes time for buying a home-he didn't cut it!! Now I don't know what to do. Do I send him a letter explaining that I had just contacted Amy to find a price on a home and she started working on finding us a home? Do I lay low like my boss says and if he asks tell him? I don't know. The house fell through. I heard that Josh was willing to take less commission in order for us to get this house. I don't want him to take less commission. I would pay him more commission if it would make him feel better. I don't know. I really hate it and now it's going to be on my mind all day long. I can't win for losing.

I haven't felt like blogging in a while. I have had a lot of stuff going on, but I just feel like no one really cares to listen to what I have going on. I guess it's just normal things like:
1. I'm still waiting for more info about grad school. I'm supposed to be getting information sometime in the next few weeks. My new friend Jessica has already gotten some of the books that I will be using for school.
2. This is Andrew and my second attempt at putting a contract on a house. I really have been praying about it. My prayer is that if this isn't where God wants us to be, He will slam the door in our faces. It's a wonderful house. It just feels like a home to us. The other one didn't really. It's in a wonderful neighborhood, which is hard to come by.
3. Andrew's promotion seems to be going two steps forward and then one step back. It's frustrating for everyone involved.
4. Looks like Andrew might be the interim music minister for a while longer. I think that God knew that his promotion might be put on hold and is providing this 2nd job for that reason.

Sometimes I wish I could just check out of the world for just a little bit. I would like to go off by myself, not talk to anyone, not return any phone calls and just be me. Does anyone else feel that way sometimes?

I'm Back!!

I'm sure everyone who reads my blog wondered where I was and what I was doing at all times. I will tell you what I was doing: Relaxing!!! I read 2 books over my vacation. Cried my eyes out with one if them. Rode on several different boats. Played with my 10 month old 2nd cousin Jackson. Spent quality time with the family and had some much needed down-time. It was the best vacation ever!! I loved it. Now it's back to the old grind. Oh, and Andrew and I are looking into buying a house. We have been approved, we have found a house. Now all we need is the inspector to check it out. Keep your fingers crossed!!

Big Changes are a'comin

Okay. It's time for a big change. I keep repeating to myself that change is good. But is it considered change when it used to be that way for 18 years and after 5 years you have decided to change it back? Maybe it's more like going back to normal. I just couldn't take it anymore. Something needs to be done about it. I really thought about this change. It's a big jump for a girl. I thought I didn't want them. I put my foot down for five years, not I'm returning to the scene. I don't know if I'm ready for this jump. After I decide on this change, there's no going back. If I decide to go back to the way it was, then it will take a while to get back there. Are you confused?










I have decided to get bangs.








I had bangs for 18 years. No lie! I had the straight across the forehead (or in my case a fivehead) bangs for 18 years. I didn't grow them out until college. When no one else had them, I did. What made me keep them so long, I don't know. I am going to the hairdresser today. There's no turning back once I get them. Wish me luck!

I believe that I am a positive person. I believe that I try to find the good in everything. If that is the case, why do I find myself surrounded by very cynical people. I find that it's odd. My husband is cynical. He isn't all the time, but I have a hard time telling him certain things because of the comments that he makes. My best friend is also cynical. Am I a magnet for cynicism?? I love my husband and best friend dearly. I don't know what I would do without either of them, but jeez!

Maybe the reason I keep them around is because I enjoy having an opinion on the complete opposite side of the continuum. Maybe it helps me to see the full spectrum. The bad thing about me is that I am easily swayed towards one way or the other. There are a few things in life that you can't change my mind on:
1. Corn
2. Feet
3. My job

That's pretty much it. You would think that I wouldn't be easily convinced on the more important topics like homosexuality, abortion, or politics. Nope! If someone has a very compelling argument I will have the hardest time with holding my own. I had a hard time planning my wedding and making decisions because I would listen to my best friend who had different ideas for my wedding. I basically had to shut her out of my head. I would think I want hot pink EVERYTHING!! Then I would hear a rather boisterous voice (but oh so sweet) saying um...why not have everything neon green. Obviously that did not happen, but I have a hard time remembering that my opinion is my opinion and her opinion is her opinion and I don't have to change mine to fit hers. The weird thing is that I am a leader. What leader does that? I think that I am going crazy.

*There really is no reason for me to write this particular blog. I'm actually supposed to be working, but this is what I am doing to avoid it.*

But it also says...

	Dana	54 up, 86 down
	Sounds like man a. A Dana is a woman who is so obsessed with gaining attention from others that she will do anything, even ruin her appearance. Dana works out so much that she looks like a man, or a tranny. A Dana is addicted to plastic surgery. She will do anything to alter her appearance in way that she thinks will get male attention. She is typically a woman having a mid life crisis. A Dana is usually married but very unfaithful. Be careful of that Dana over there, she's probably got a husband and kids at home. No, that's not a tranny! It's a Dana.

According to Urban Dictionary

Dana

249 up, 86 down

Dana (Day-Na) is the word that defines as a completely powerful person who is not consumed by power and still has empathy. Danas are extremely competent in all aspects, intellegent, respectful, and well-mannered. Not only are they also very beautiful creatures, they have a good sense of humor. Dana does NOT come from Danae or Diana or Diane, in fact. Dana is a word all on itself, created to define awesome people. Person A has found the cure for cancer. Person B : "Wow, Person A! You are SUCH a Dana!"

Green Water Bottle

Is it normal to fall in love with a water bottle? I don't think it is, but I am.

About 3 months ago, I felt as if it was my turn to go semi-green and help the environment. I realized that Andrew and I were buying a lot of bottled water. I then bought a water filter for our sink and a plastic red bottle to drink my water. I thought to myself that I will be making my carbon imprint a lot smaller with this water bottle. I used the said red bottle for a while, until I encountered a little problem. It leaked. Not really leaked but we had issues. The top of the bottle screwed on but the problem occurred because it had a wide opening to drink out of. Whenever I drank out of this bottle, water went all over me. I looked as if I had a problem and that I forgot to open my mouth when I drank from this bottle in public. If anyone reading this blog saw me after drinking from this water bottle, no that was not drool down my shirt.

After dealing with the red water bottle for about a month, I bought a green bottle. It is very chic. It is BPA free (whatever that means). It has reduce, reuse, and recycle on the side which makes me feel better. The best part of it though is how the top is. It has a sorta flip top that has a straw connected to it. All you would have to do is suck, you didn't have to tilt your head back to drink. I was so excited about my new purchase. Ttthhheenn.....

I lost it. It didn't even make the journey home with me. I thought that I may had bought it and then left it at Wal-mart. Don't you hate that? I would have just gone back to the cashier except that I bought it in Jackson with Steph. After about 2 months I gave up hope for the pretty green perfect water bottle. Actually, I didn't know if it was perfect or not. I didn't have the chance to find out.

Let's fastfoward 2 months. Steph, Emily, and I went to VA for Jenn's wedding. I rode in the front seat the entire time. One weekend later on a road trip to Emily's wedding, what is in the floor of Stephanie's front seat. DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!! My green water bottle. If I was insane, I would have cried. I knew that I had gotten out of Walmart with that bottle. I made sure that I got home with it this time.

I just got back from a long walk in the hot sun. Nothing is better than water after being in the hotness. What did I do? I cleaned out my green water bottle and filled it up. I didn't even get one splash of water on me. This green water bottle is just as perfect as I thought that it would be. For something that all you have to do is suck to drink, it doesn't suck!! It's perfect.


The Ode' to the Green Water Bottle is complete. :)

Don't people know that I am trying to save the world? I don't understand it. I call and call and call and call, then I write all these case notes documenting that I called and how many people show up? ONE. Just ONE caregiver and 2 kids. I truely appreciate that one person and the twins, but really. I could have saved a lot of time and effort with the calling and the documenting if I knew that only one person was going to show up. I wouldn't have had 60 sandwiches made for only one family.

Why can't people protect their children? Why can't people understand that once a precious child is born into the world it becomes a priority? Why do people make stupid decisions that have major consequences? There are no answers to my questions. I know that.

Happily Exhausted

I just got back from my Virginia roadtrip. I had the best time. Even when things weren't going so well, like the storm on the way up there and and tree branch hitting the car, it made it memorable.

Jennifer is so lucky. Her new in-laws are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. They love Jenn like a daughter. I can't even count the number of times Mary, Elijah's mother, told us that they had been praying for Jenn for 30 years, but they just didn't know her name. She also said repeatedly how Jenn was an answer to their prayers. Their family really wanted to get to know all of us, not just Stephanie. At night they had a family devotion led by Jenn's father-in-law. They specifically prayed for Emily to find a job when she moves to Iowa. They were so caring and loving. Their sons were very gracious with giving up their beds to a bunch of crazy girls. This wedding was so special, even though Jenn and Elijah were already married. The love and support was so strong during every event.

I had the best time with the girls. It was more like a Young Women's retreat. I enjoyed all the laughter, the discussions, and the friendship. Whenever we introduced ourselves, I was so proud of where we all were in our lives. We all have cool jobs and are in amazing places in our lives. Who else could say that she was a Professional Blogger (Ashley Harris) or a reporter?

Jenn was a beautiful bride, the only thing that might have competed with Jenn's beauty was the Virginia hillside. It was beautiful. Stephanie fell in love with the countryside. I would be fine if she moved there, because then I have an excuse to visit her there.

VOCA

I love my VOCA children. It's going to be very hard to say good-bye to them. I have really high hopes for my children. I hope that the girls will be able to grow in confidence. A confident woman/girl will get far in life. I hope they have the strength to say "NO" to what they don't want to do. In Hardeman county, many children become pregnant at a young age, and most likely their moms became pregnant at a young age as well. If I ever walk around Bolivar and see one of my children preggers, I might flip my lid. Just sign me up for Western because I will have gone crazy. I want these children to be success and achieve their dreams. I want my little girl who wants to become a pediatrician to achieve that goal. Forget the bullies who make fun of her for being too black or ashy or being raped. Yeah, kids at her school make fun of her for being raped. I want her to stand tall and proud. I want my child who wants to be a fashion designer to be famous. I want to wear her clothes or have her purse and brag about how I "knew her when." Even my little boy who wants to be a spy, I want to say go for it. He might not become a spy, but maybe an investigator or a police officer. They have so much to offer the world, and I would hate for them to settle. Poor Andrew. I have informed him several times that if anything happens to any of my kids' parents, we would be adopting them. Can't you just seen Andrew and I with a 13 year old black kid and saying that's our child? He'll get used to it.

Roadtrippin'

I only have to work two days this week. Yay!!! I get to go roadtrippin' with my best friend. I'm sure that the roadtrip with consist of these things:
1. Over analyzing everything
2. Hanson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrWamyL4Azc
3. Taylor Swift
4. Rascall Flatts
5. More discussions about life
6. Great dance jams in the car
7. Some Sean Kingston and Natasha Bedingfield
8. Junk Food, actually we might starve ourselves for the wedding
9. Good girl time!!!

I'm so excited. I'm going to miss Andrew, but the good times to be had with the bff will be worth it.

When we come back from the trip, Andrew and I will have been married for 6 months. I can't believe it. It has gone by so fast, but we couldn't be happier. Oh yeah!! I got accepted into grad school. I'm so excited!!! I know that it will be a lot of work, but it will be worth it because I will have so many more opportunities. I think I would like to be a social worker for a school. You get summers off. How wonderful would that be? I can get the benefits of teachers without having to be a teacher. Hopefully 3 years of grad school will go by fast.

Hunger

This blog is a way for me to avoid going downstairs and getting a snack. I find that I get hungry around 10:30 to 11:30 everyday. The problem is I have breakfast every morning. I never skip breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day. Typically I have cereal. I try not to eat the super sugary stuff, but I have to have some sort of sugar. I can't eat just Bran Flakes everyday. That stuff just doesn't start the day off right. Currently I have been eating Cinnamon Life cereal. It has a lot of whole grains and fiber in it. I also love Oatmeal. I really enjoy it, but the negative part about oatmeal is that I will be hungry again by 10:00 or worse 9:30. It's bad. What's really bad is that I have a stocked kitchen in my workplace that is filled with snacks. Currently, Walmart donated health food bars-you know that South Beach Diet bars or the Atkins bars. Why they donated them to the Carl Perkins Center? I don't know. They come in handy though. I don't feel so bad eating a fiber bar that has 36% of my daily needed fiber (which is very important to me) instead of gummy bears or moon pies or poptarts or airheads. We have all of those products in the kitchen downstairs. Wait! We even have popcorn, chips, and plenty of Walmart brand coke products. I do the best I can. I try to avoid going downstairs when I am hungry because inevitably I will go into the kitchen which may or may not be the best decision. I have no will power when it comes to going into the kitchen at work. Now I am chewing Dubble Bubble bubble gum. Maybe this will curve my hunger until I go to lunch with Amanda and Jessica, the new intern.

Dyersburg High our Alma Mater...

I can just hear the school song playing already. Tomorrow, Andrew's little sister is graduating. Not only is Katie graduating, but my second youngest cousin Mollie is graduating as well. That makes me feel old. All of the kids I know that are graduating, I used to hold in my lap. I remember Katie running around with Leah Jean (her bff) at eight years old around the band field. Man, time has flown by. I remember in April, I had gone home and I was playing with Mollie's phone. It's a touch screen phone and I was seeing how easy it was to text on it. I clicked on the text screen and what popped up was a text from Mollie's boyfriend that started with...."Well, when we get married..." WHAT THE CRAP??!! Why was this little pipsqueak of a guy (Actually he's quite a good Christian guy who is a biology major at UTC) saying this kind of stuff to my cousin. Then I thought,"Wait. Andrew and I were 16 when we started dating." That really put a perspective on things. They are so little and young. Actually, I am only five years older than her. It's amazing how things change in such a short period of time. Who knows where you are going to be in 5 years? In five years, I want to have already had a baby or about to have a baby. That's going to be such a big change.

Dear old school where we have studied
We will all agree,
That we'll never forget the training
Given by thee.
Dyersburg High , our Alma Mater,
We'll remember thee;
And we pledge thee our devotion,
Our Fidelity.

Why I still remember that, I'll never know. Maybe it's because Mrs. Edwards my AP English teacher made us serenade the other classes until we learned it. Maybe high school wasn't so bad, if I could erase all the drama and just have the good times.

Feeling Good

Today I am feeling good. That's a big thing considering it's 9:16am. I normally don't feel this good at this time of the morning. It's not because I went to bed early. I was in bed by 8:30, but Man vs Wild was featuring Will Ferrell on his show, Andrew had to stay up and watch it. It's not because I felt awake this morning. Nope! It's not because I had a soothing morning. I had to fuss at my dog this morning because she tore the tag thingy off of Andrew's tie. I don't like fussing at my dog because she covers under a table and sometimes she shakes. I don't know why she shakes. I don't hit her or anything. I am wearing a cute summery shirt today. Maybe that's it. My landlord is also installing a new window air conditioner until today in my house. That also could be it. This is also my first night of working with the youth. I don't really know what to expect. I'm supposed to be working with this lady Dai (pronounced Day) with a drama group. I really don't know much about skits and stuff. I know sign language, there's a BIG difference. I know you can incorporate that into skits and dramas, but I enjoy doing straight sign language. I don't play with that interpreted crap. If I'm talking about the sun, I'm going to say sun not make a circle with my arms and put it over my head like a child's song. I have no idea what Dai's background is in this. I have about 12 years of sign language experience. I'm not going to start thinking negative thoughts about this before it even starts. Mr. Wayne just asked me if I could teach sign language and I said yes and then he switched into calling it drama. Hhhmmmmm. Okay. I hope that I can get kids interested in it.

What a Mighty God We Serve!!!!

This has been an exciting weekend around the Hampton household, and seeing as there is just two of us, you know it had to be big. I got to have dinner with my besties in Jackson. That is always a treat. We are all so different. I love hearing all of our different opinions. Stephanie and I definitely had a miscommunication in TGIFridays. Looking back now, I can't help but laugh at it. Basically Stephanie ALWAYS likes to sit across from the people that she wants to talk to. Typically there is only three of us, so she ALWAYS likes to sit facing the opening of the restaurant and have the two people across from her. I have recently shared with her that I too enjoy seeing the people walking into the restaurant. To make a long story short, I had sat down in the seat that would have been across from Stephanie and Laura. Bad idea! Stephanie then asked to sit where I was sitting. What she meant was that she was wanted to sit beside me and across from Laura. But Laura and I obviously thought that since she ALWAYS sat on the opposite side of us, Stephanie was asking me (who had already sat down and placed my purse down) to get up from my seat and sit by Laura so she could sit in the seat she preferred. We had a few minutes of bickering which of course ended with me getting up from the seat (I'm a pushover) and the my basically throwing my purse into the booth (barely missing Stephanie's head). It was all a miscommunication, which makes me laugh about how frustrated I really was. We had a good time together after that mishap. We went shopping. I was such a good wife. I bought Andrew 3 dress shirts on sale. All I bought for myself were books in sale because I am stockpiling my books for my trips. Saturday I was woken up early by my husband who wanted to go yard selling or dumpster diving. We did that and didn't find a durn thing and then I went to the Civil Servants breakfast. I am meeting so many cool ppl in the community. I then spent the rest of the day cleaning the floors and having Stephanie and Andrew edit my graduate school application essay. Those two really take care of me. The ppl at Union are going to read my paper and then accept me. When I start writing my own papers though, they are going to think who is this idiot who can't write. I got the application sent in the mail. After I did a happy dance, I rewarded myself with going through a car wash. I love car washes!!! I always have to get the deluxe though because I love LOVE LOVE all the colors that are spit out onto my vehicle!!! Stephanie came up later that day, where I cooked her a thank you meal and we went to Whiteville Lake. We tried to take pictures, but my camera was dead. You wouldn't imagine something so beautiful in a town like Whiteville. Whiteville is ugly, poor, ghetto, and has less stuff than Bolivar. Sunday was D-Day though. Andrew has been asked to be the interim music minister at our church. It's a huge honor to be asked. We don't even know if he's getting paid or not. It would be nice if he did though. We could sure use the moolah. He has been so nervous about it, he hasn't been able to sleep for several days. He has had nightmares about it and walked around the house constantly saying, "Why did I say that I would do this? I'm going going to do this any other Sundays. I think I'm going to be sick." I felt so bad for me. We arrived at church this morning at 9:30. The church service doesn't start until 11:00. Andrew picked his microphone (the sound guy is hard core). Andrew started feeling a lot better once the piano player came in. Shannon really calmed him down by discussing the hymns with him and how she was going to do the intro. Andrew did so well! I was so proud of him. Afterwards, the people at the church came up to me and said that they could tell that he was nervous because I looked nervous for him,haha. I guess that's not too much of a compliment. After it was over, Andrew felt so much better about it and realized that it's not as hard as he was thinking that it was going to be. Whew! I'm glad that this Sunday is almost over. Hopefully we won't have to go through this nervousness again next week.

June!!! It's almost here!!!

I think it's my tradition to write an Ode to every month any why I'm excited about it. This is my second blog today. I might get to write more because I am in the middle of writing my acceptance essay for Union for the Masters in Social Work program. Okay...back to June. I have 2 vacations in June. Count them 1-2! These vacations are paid paid PAID!!!! I'm getting forced to take these vacations as well.

The first vacation will be from June 10th-14th. I'm so excited about this trip. Stephanie and I will be road tripping together to Virginia for Jennifer's wedding. That's very exciting for several reasons:
1. Days and Days of best friend time. Non-stop discussions about boys, jobs, and anything else Stephanie wants to over analyze. This trip also includes dancing in the car and fun stops along the way.
2. I get to stay with Steph's grandparents in Crossville!!!!! I think that I might be more excited about that than the wedding (Sorry Jenn). I have never met them and I feel as if they are my grandparents. I can't wait to hold Gabe and see all the sights.
3. Jennifer is already married, but that doesn't make the wedding any less special. She deserves the day that she wants. I love weddings. I bawl like a baby every time. It's kind of embarrassing, especially when I don't know the couple that's getting married. I am going to emotional support and I just found out today that I will be her guest book attendant. I am the professional guest book attendant.

My second vacation is also very excited. We are going to Park Rapids!!!!!! My happy place. When people say go to your happy place, forget the beaches-Park Rapids, MN is where my brain goes.
1. Andrew, my mother, and I will be road tripping it there. I will have a whole week to spend time with my husband and to sleep in the same bed with him. We haven't had that since the honeymoon. We won't know what to do with each other.
2. I get to see my family. It's so relaxing up there.
3. Pontoon boat
4. Ski boat
5. JET SKI!!!!!!!!!
6. Log Cabin
7. Fireworks off of the dock
8. All of the smells.
9. Phase 10 games
10. Loons waking you up in the morning
11. Fishing
12. Swimming

I haven't been to the lake in a few years. I have been craving this vacation for a long time. Andrew's excited because he will be able to hang out and converse with normal people at normal hours and hang out with my cousin-in-law Matt.



JUNE!! HERE I COME!!!!!!