“It’s our domain, we will never bow to the phone!” -Jerry Seinfeld

The other evening, before I fell asleep, I was watching the beginning of a Seinfeld episode. Elaine, Jerry, and George were all standing on the side of the road together. Elaine then pulls out her cell phone and proceeds to call a friend to see how she was feelings. During the phone conversation, Elaine was experienceing very bad reception and eventually had to hang up because the static was so bad. George and Jerry then gave Elaine a very hard time about how horrible it was to call a friend on a cell phone. In fact Jerry even calls it a cell phone walk-and-talk. The Seinfeld dictionary says that it is

Cell Phone Walk and Talk - when a person calls to convey their concern (for a friend's sick relative), but callously calls from a cellular phone on the street out of convenience

George even calls Elaine's cell phone usage a faux paus. They inform her that it was very inconsiderate and her friend was most likely insulted because Elaine did not take the time to call from her home phone to show that she cares and that using your cell phone shows that you don't want to take time out of your busy schedule for a friend.

It's amazing how times have changed in just a short while. Andrew and I don't even have a home phone, much like many of my friends and in-laws. On one hand, it saves you money but in the process you miss chatting with random people when they call your home wanting to speak to someone else. I very rarely talk to my father or mother in-law because they don't call my cell phone. My fnl might call me if he knows that Andrew is asleep, but on the rare occurence that that happens, we don't chat and make niceties with each other.

My bff Steph (I like how that rhymes) and I have almost opposite schedules. I can usually talk during the day, while at night by the time Steph gets off work I am exhausted and I might be working on homework, which seems to be the case more often than not. If we didn't have cell phones, I dont' know what we would do. We tend to call each other at least eight times a day, but we might only talk once or we might talk all eight time, but only about a minute at a time. We have to use cell phones and call when we are in the car because that might be the only time that we have. Stephanie out of pocket from about 3:00-6:15 when the A Block is over on the news. Sometimes she doesn't get off work until 8 or so and that's when they kick her out of the station. Cell phones are a necessaity. Stephanie also has to keep up with 2 cell phones, one if which is like her baby. She almost does need a baby monitor for her cell phone, just in case. What did we do without them? Cell phones, not baby montiors.

Calling someone on your cell phone does show that you care, in fact I believe that it's more personal because not everyone has your cell phone number. You can look up someone's home number, but they might not want you to call them. In this day and age, you can even put a picture of someone when they call and assign them their own personal ringtone. My sister's ringtone sings,"Your sister is calling you, to see what you're up to." It doesn't annoy me too much, because typically we just text each other. There's a lady who works in my office and when her husband calls her (which is quite a bit) I hear,"Pookie, pick up your phone!" Someone else's ring tone is an obnoxious child laughing. Jerry said that he will never bow to the phone. Today we are not only bowing, but we are getting out of the cell phone's way.

Stressors

I know that everyone has a stressful life. People handle their stressors differently. Whenever I discuss stress with my clients I always enjoy telling them the story of how my college roommate decided that when her 20 page paper was almost due, that was the perfect time to organize her room, hang out with all of the friends she had neglected until a time like this and then she would stay up for 48 hours straight and complain about getting the paper done. My kids like that story.

Recently, I have felt the stressors in my life barrelling down on me. There is always a certain time of year when I start becoming more emotional/depressed/moody/whatever. I can't ever remember what time of the year that is. Steph, do you?? Maybe that's where I'm at right now.

Here's what's been going on:
I'm going to be as open and honest as possible.

Work: I have not been able to focus. I am so thankful for the people that surround me everyday that help me out. I don't know what I would do without them. They have been picking up from where my mind has left. It's almost as if I'm going through the motions when I'm here but I'm still missing things I'm supposed to do. Basically, I didn't complete some of my July casenotes and all of August. That's a lot of paperwork that I didn't do. I didn't NOT do them on purpose, I just couldn't. I couldn't stop and make myself do it. I feel as if I didn't have someone to be there emotionally for me, how could I be there emotionally for my clients? I felt myself being more irritable to everyone, even the dog. I kept thinking that no one would notice and that I would get back to normal with work and fix my mistakes before Amanda (my boss) would notice. Nope! I think Amanda finally had enough of my flakiness when I forgot to tell my clients that we were having group, so no one was prepared to come and we only had 2 kids there. The next day Amanda pulled me into her office. To make a long story short, she kindly informed me that she couldn't help me anymore because it didn't seem to be helping and that she couldn't understand how I was feeling and wasn't sure how to help. She shared that the "old" Dana would have seen some of the clients as projects and challenges that needed to be won instead of annoyances. She's right. She also shared with me that I was just the type of person they needed to be a director of a center once I got my Masters. She said that "They" were watching me and just waiting until I get my degree. She said that she couldn't let me fail when I was doing so good and she would hate to fire me.That woke me up big time. During the meeting, we both ended up crying and I admitted that I knew that I wasn't there mentally or emotionally for anyone. I feel as if I'm doing better.

School: I have had 2 papers due, 2 midterms, another paper, a Homicide walk, and a book to read. I'm doing pretty good, and what I listed might seem like normal grad school work except when you are going through things like were mentioned above, it's a lot more than that. I also got a letter in the mail saying that I owed $2,300 to Union. WHAT????? I had filled out the loan application (which I have never done before because I hadn't needed too). After I had filled out the loan application, I never not an email or letter saying whether or not I received the loan. I didn't know that I was supposed to. Does anyone have that much money laying around? I don't either. When I received the letter, I IMMEDIATELY called Union, and wouldn't you know it...We're on Fall Break and no one is there. I am having to wait to find out whether or not I am actually a student. While I am waiting to find out about that, I am having to pour my heart and soul into work that might not actually county towards anything.

I just got done hosting a group for D-Now at my house. We had 6 girls and 2 leaders. They really weren't that big of a hassle, except that I was their mode of transportation to EVERYTHING!! I also didn't feel good AND I thought that I might be pregnant.

On thinking I'm pregnant:
Okay, I found out that Yaz can cause some serious side effects. I personally know someone whose daughter died because of these side effects. During this time, I stopped taking my B.C. pills until I could contact my doctor and get my pills switched. It wasn't that big of a deal not taking them because I was spending a lot of time with my mom without Andrew. Andrew was also having to work 7 days straight and he was exhausted and slept everyday up until the time he had to leave the house. I finally had the chance to call my doctor and get it switched to another pill. When I went to Walmart to pick up the prescription that they had supposedly called in for me, it wasn't there because they hadn't called it in. I refuse to take anymore Yaz. Anyway, I know that the signs of being pregnant are very similar to when you are about to start your period and I had been having those symptoms for several weeks, but no such luck with "Aunt Flo." I also have been feeling flu-like symptoms which I also read could be a hint that you are pregnant. I am always the Girl Who Cried Wolf. I think that I am pregnant pretty much every month, but I actually haven't done that in a while. Anyway, I was sitting in my office and it HIT me!!! I had a sudden wave of nausea overcome me. I grabbed the nearest trashcan and nothing happened. It happened twice that morning, but then I felt fine that evening. I know that I have thought that I was pregnant several times before, but never seriously. It was only because my period was late even though I never missed a pill. This time I was serious!! After all of that, I am semi-proud to report that I am not knocked up. The reason that I am semi-proud is because I do want a baby, just not right now. No matter when I get pregnant, whether it's with my plan or God's I will be excited.


Hopefully this week will be so much better. Pray that I will get my loan situation figured out and be able to focus at work.

My mom is losing her hair this week. The doctor told her that if she still had her hair by her 2nd Chemo treatment (Tuesday) then she won't have it the next day. My mom will be bald. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I have a difficult time talking about it and thinking about it. I guess it's like all things though, you think you can't handle it but you don't really have a choice. I will see my mom bald, get used to it. Probably by the time I get used to seeing her bald and with a wig, she will be done with her chemo and will be able to grow her hair back. Please pray for my family during this time. We need it.