And the next step is...

So...the surgery is over with and was successful. Successful in the fact that they didn't have to yell "Code Blue" or use the paddles on my mom (my mom's words). Unsuccessful in the fact that they found two pea sized cancerous tumors in her lymph nodes-but only on the left side where the original mass was found. Today we find out the stage of the cancer. This really scares me. I guess because for everyone, including my mom, this has been surreal. As my mom was showering for the first time and she was able to look at what used to be her breasts, she felt that she was looking at someone else. Knowing the stage makes it more real. But I keep reminding myself that knowing the stage doesn't change anything. Whatever stage they say that she is, she was when they discovered the cancer. Just like everything else. I will just need a little time to process. This is a scary thing. I don't like it one bit. But you know, as horrible as this whole thing is, God has been with us the entire way. We have been able to spend time with family that we typically wouldn't have been able to. We are still able to laugh and have a good time, even if it's in the hospital room.

Mat Kearney has a song called Closer to Love. My favorite line from the song is "I guess we are all one phone call from our knees." That's what I feel like every day.

Even with the rug pulled out from under my family, life still goes on.
1. Grad school classes start Monday afternoon. I'm excited!
2. Andrew and I are official home owners, except that the lady who owned the home misunderstood when closing was and still has some of her crap in the home. We haven't gotten the keys yet. I'm going to charge her rent.
3. Andrew's (keeping fingers crossed) about to get a promotion.

Yoo-Hoo is my crack

There are no words to explain my frustration with one of my families. Yesterday I couldn't get motivated because I just knew what was coming around 2:30 and I knew that I was going to have to work with the child of the family. It's just stressful because I don't know how to make this family better. Anyway, after a LONG stressful day (I didn't get off work until around 7:00pm) I came home to my wonderful husband. He was wonderful last night--the night before not so much because we got into a huge argument. I came home to Andrew making dinner for me, but that wasn't what made him wonderful. Don't get me wrong! Coming home to dinner made was great, except that I had texted him earlier saying that I hadn't had lunch and I was going to be working late so if he wanted dinner at a reasonable hour, then he was going to have to make it. The thing that made him wonderful wasn't the Oreo pie that he attempted to make as a surprise. The thing that made him wonderful was that when I sat down on the couch and rested my aching head in my hands, my husband handed me a Yoo-Hoo. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing Hosanna in my head.


I have an obsession with chocolate milk. I think it's my father's fault. Whenever Lisa and I would be with my dad he would always take us to the gas station to get some chocolate milk. I think I associate chocolate milk with happy times. Chocolate milk is my go to drink after a hard day. I don't get it very often. When I was at Walgreens, I think twice I bought a Yoo-Hoo. My coworkers knew that if Dana was seen with a chocolate milk-don't mess with her. There's something soothing about the chocolate milk flavor. It's intense. The high is so wonderful, there are no words to explain it. Yesterday just happened to be one of those days. Andrew had no idea that I would need a Y00-Hoo. He just saw them and thought he would make up for being such a jerk the night before.

Thank God for Yoo-Hoos!

When did my little sister get so smart? I don't know. I called my lil sis and shared with her how I was feeling about our mom having breast cancer. Basically I told her that I have divided God into 2 parts. One part is the good God who is almighty and wonderful and all of the other adjectives. The other part is the God that I am not so crazy about. I think I have done this in my head so that I won't be made at God entirely. I do struggle to sing songs about how great our God is even though I have divided Him up. Here is the conversation with my sister:

Lisa: Don't you just see how God has been taking care of us all along?
Me: Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I can't be angry at Him. If God would just show me the last page of the book, then maybe I'll be fine. I want to know why my mom got cancer and if she is going to live through this and I want to know who's life she impacted because of it.
Lisa: Well...you can't do that. You just need to remember that hopefully we will be able to be a good witness for our family members and other people who are around us because of how we are relying on God and not letting this take over our entire life. Do you remember when Daddy lost his job?
Dana: Yeah
Lisa: Well during that period when he didn't have a job, that was when he had to have his battery replaced in his pacemaker. He wouldn't have known that he needed to do that unless he was home and was able to go to the doctor.
Dana: I know.
Lisa: And do you realize that as soon as he was better and able to get back on the road, he got another job and not only did God provide that job when everyone else was struggling to find jobs, God provided another job for him immediately when he wasn't liking his job so much.
Dana: I can see your point.
Lisa: And don't you think it's a little amazing that Daddy had just happened to plan a trip home the week after Mom was diagnosed.
Lisa: Also, it was a God thing for me because we found out the day I returned from my mission trip. Just think, if we had found out during the summer I would have been really angry because I couldn't come home and angry at God. What type of missionary would I have been and what kind of example would I have been if I was angry at God throughout the summer? Don't blame God, Dana. God has his hands in everything even if we don't know the reasons for it. Don't stop worshipping His Greatness because the rug was pulled out from under us. God is still taking care of everything we do. Mom is not angry, she is relying on God. God knows the last page of the book and that's all that matters.

Psalms 46:10 Be still and Know that I am God

A lady at church reminded me of this verse. I just keep repeating it to myself and know that God is taking care of everything. He hasn't walked away and forgotten to come back because he is so busy. God knows my family. God is hearing our prayers and not only our prayers but all of the people that are praying for my mom. People who don't even know my family that well are praying for us.


"Thank you, God, for remembering my family and please give me the peace to know that Your way is the ultimate and the best way."

I think this morning I can post about this without going into hysterics. I'm only going to type this one time and one time only. I have a hard enough time saying the word, let alone typing it. Here it is:


My wonderful mother has breast cancer.


I am afraid. Scared. Sad. Angry. Confused. Upset. Shocked. Worried. Put all of those words together and maybe a few more and that's how I feel. I'm not going to go into too many details, because I start crying and end up on the floor crying out to God and I am at work. But, the mass is in her left breast and behind the nipple, which means that even if we caught it early enough (which we don't know yet) she is going to have to have a mastectomy. We are discussing the options of having a double mastectomy that way she will not have to worry about the cancer spreading to her other breast and she could have a nice perky matching pair. We are scared of the unknown. I hate that I am so far away from my mother. Well, 2 hours isn't so far away but it is when you are as close to your mother as I am. We are wanting to have the surgeries as soon as possible so that we can get rid of the not knowing part. We don't even know what stage she is in yet.


Please please please keep my family in your prayers. My dad is a truck driver and doesn't get to come home very much. Luckily he had planned to come home next week anyway. It's hard for both of them. My mom has a very strong faith, but we keep asking Why me? Why her? Why my mother? My mom runs 5 miles a day. Eats healthy and has more energy than anyone I know. It just goes to show that cancer is the most unbiased thing in the world. I am not handling it very well. Yesterday and the day before was really tough on me. So far today I haven't gotten too upset. Just remember us in your prayers.

Eau de Skunk

Ssoooo....my house smells like skunk!! I was sitting on the couch, enjoying my Sunday evening with Portia and Andrew. I started smelling this horrible smell. I immediately looked at Portia, because who else who else could cause such a foul smell. Oh no, I realized that it was a skunk smell. The best we can figure was that a skunk sprayed this random black dog that runs around the neighborhood somewhere around our house and the air conditioner was blowing the smell in. Can you bathe your home in whatever you use to get rid of the smell?