When did my little sister get so smart? I don't know. I called my lil sis and shared with her how I was feeling about our mom having breast cancer. Basically I told her that I have divided God into 2 parts. One part is the good God who is almighty and wonderful and all of the other adjectives. The other part is the God that I am not so crazy about. I think I have done this in my head so that I won't be made at God entirely. I do struggle to sing songs about how great our God is even though I have divided Him up. Here is the conversation with my sister:
Lisa: Don't you just see how God has been taking care of us all along?
Me: Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I can't be angry at Him. If God would just show me the last page of the book, then maybe I'll be fine. I want to know why my mom got cancer and if she is going to live through this and I want to know who's life she impacted because of it.
Lisa: Well...you can't do that. You just need to remember that hopefully we will be able to be a good witness for our family members and other people who are around us because of how we are relying on God and not letting this take over our entire life. Do you remember when Daddy lost his job?
Dana: Yeah
Lisa: Well during that period when he didn't have a job, that was when he had to have his battery replaced in his pacemaker. He wouldn't have known that he needed to do that unless he was home and was able to go to the doctor.
Dana: I know.
Lisa: And do you realize that as soon as he was better and able to get back on the road, he got another job and not only did God provide that job when everyone else was struggling to find jobs, God provided another job for him immediately when he wasn't liking his job so much.
Dana: I can see your point.
Lisa: And don't you think it's a little amazing that Daddy had just happened to plan a trip home the week after Mom was diagnosed.
Lisa: Also, it was a God thing for me because we found out the day I returned from my mission trip. Just think, if we had found out during the summer I would have been really angry because I couldn't come home and angry at God. What type of missionary would I have been and what kind of example would I have been if I was angry at God throughout the summer? Don't blame God, Dana. God has his hands in everything even if we don't know the reasons for it. Don't stop worshipping His Greatness because the rug was pulled out from under us. God is still taking care of everything we do. Mom is not angry, she is relying on God. God knows the last page of the book and that's all that matters.
Psalms 46:10 Be still and Know that I am God
A lady at church reminded me of this verse. I just keep repeating it to myself and know that God is taking care of everything. He hasn't walked away and forgotten to come back because he is so busy. God knows my family. God is hearing our prayers and not only our prayers but all of the people that are praying for my mom. People who don't even know my family that well are praying for us.
"Thank you, God, for remembering my family and please give me the peace to know that Your way is the ultimate and the best way."
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