Stressors

I know that everyone has a stressful life. People handle their stressors differently. Whenever I discuss stress with my clients I always enjoy telling them the story of how my college roommate decided that when her 20 page paper was almost due, that was the perfect time to organize her room, hang out with all of the friends she had neglected until a time like this and then she would stay up for 48 hours straight and complain about getting the paper done. My kids like that story.

Recently, I have felt the stressors in my life barrelling down on me. There is always a certain time of year when I start becoming more emotional/depressed/moody/whatever. I can't ever remember what time of the year that is. Steph, do you?? Maybe that's where I'm at right now.

Here's what's been going on:
I'm going to be as open and honest as possible.

Work: I have not been able to focus. I am so thankful for the people that surround me everyday that help me out. I don't know what I would do without them. They have been picking up from where my mind has left. It's almost as if I'm going through the motions when I'm here but I'm still missing things I'm supposed to do. Basically, I didn't complete some of my July casenotes and all of August. That's a lot of paperwork that I didn't do. I didn't NOT do them on purpose, I just couldn't. I couldn't stop and make myself do it. I feel as if I didn't have someone to be there emotionally for me, how could I be there emotionally for my clients? I felt myself being more irritable to everyone, even the dog. I kept thinking that no one would notice and that I would get back to normal with work and fix my mistakes before Amanda (my boss) would notice. Nope! I think Amanda finally had enough of my flakiness when I forgot to tell my clients that we were having group, so no one was prepared to come and we only had 2 kids there. The next day Amanda pulled me into her office. To make a long story short, she kindly informed me that she couldn't help me anymore because it didn't seem to be helping and that she couldn't understand how I was feeling and wasn't sure how to help. She shared that the "old" Dana would have seen some of the clients as projects and challenges that needed to be won instead of annoyances. She's right. She also shared with me that I was just the type of person they needed to be a director of a center once I got my Masters. She said that "They" were watching me and just waiting until I get my degree. She said that she couldn't let me fail when I was doing so good and she would hate to fire me.That woke me up big time. During the meeting, we both ended up crying and I admitted that I knew that I wasn't there mentally or emotionally for anyone. I feel as if I'm doing better.

School: I have had 2 papers due, 2 midterms, another paper, a Homicide walk, and a book to read. I'm doing pretty good, and what I listed might seem like normal grad school work except when you are going through things like were mentioned above, it's a lot more than that. I also got a letter in the mail saying that I owed $2,300 to Union. WHAT????? I had filled out the loan application (which I have never done before because I hadn't needed too). After I had filled out the loan application, I never not an email or letter saying whether or not I received the loan. I didn't know that I was supposed to. Does anyone have that much money laying around? I don't either. When I received the letter, I IMMEDIATELY called Union, and wouldn't you know it...We're on Fall Break and no one is there. I am having to wait to find out whether or not I am actually a student. While I am waiting to find out about that, I am having to pour my heart and soul into work that might not actually county towards anything.

I just got done hosting a group for D-Now at my house. We had 6 girls and 2 leaders. They really weren't that big of a hassle, except that I was their mode of transportation to EVERYTHING!! I also didn't feel good AND I thought that I might be pregnant.

On thinking I'm pregnant:
Okay, I found out that Yaz can cause some serious side effects. I personally know someone whose daughter died because of these side effects. During this time, I stopped taking my B.C. pills until I could contact my doctor and get my pills switched. It wasn't that big of a deal not taking them because I was spending a lot of time with my mom without Andrew. Andrew was also having to work 7 days straight and he was exhausted and slept everyday up until the time he had to leave the house. I finally had the chance to call my doctor and get it switched to another pill. When I went to Walmart to pick up the prescription that they had supposedly called in for me, it wasn't there because they hadn't called it in. I refuse to take anymore Yaz. Anyway, I know that the signs of being pregnant are very similar to when you are about to start your period and I had been having those symptoms for several weeks, but no such luck with "Aunt Flo." I also have been feeling flu-like symptoms which I also read could be a hint that you are pregnant. I am always the Girl Who Cried Wolf. I think that I am pregnant pretty much every month, but I actually haven't done that in a while. Anyway, I was sitting in my office and it HIT me!!! I had a sudden wave of nausea overcome me. I grabbed the nearest trashcan and nothing happened. It happened twice that morning, but then I felt fine that evening. I know that I have thought that I was pregnant several times before, but never seriously. It was only because my period was late even though I never missed a pill. This time I was serious!! After all of that, I am semi-proud to report that I am not knocked up. The reason that I am semi-proud is because I do want a baby, just not right now. No matter when I get pregnant, whether it's with my plan or God's I will be excited.


Hopefully this week will be so much better. Pray that I will get my loan situation figured out and be able to focus at work.