Wendi Aarons

I love Wendi Aarons! I have been following her blog for a while. Sometimes her stuff is absolutely hilarious, and at other times it inappropriate. I realize that, but I still think that she is so funny. Here is her latest blog post from www.wendiaarons.com

Dear Mrs. Aarons,

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for our school to put together its annual “Holiday Family Recipe” book. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how very special this book is to both parents and children alike. After all, what could be a more glorious way to celebrate the spirit of the season than by sharing our favorite family recipes with each other? I know my family’s Christmas Eve night wouldn’t be complete without “Joshua B.’s Favorite Egg Noggy” or “Madison R.’s Sugar Cookies.” (Although between you and me, “Ethan G.’s Pork Kabobs” never seem to agree with me.)

The school staff knows that you’ve enthusiastically participated in this project over the years, and we thank you for that. However, seeing as how there have been some, well, issues with most or all of your contributions, this year the administration has decided to give you some better guidelines as to what exactly constitutes a “traditional” holiday recipe. We hope that this will help give you a better understanding of what we deem appropriate for our very special book.

Acceptable Recipes:

Grandma’s Chocolate Cookies

Aunt Sally’s Cornbread

The Peterson’s Pumpkin Pie

Unacceptable Recipes:

A label of ingredients torn off a package of Double Stuffed Oreos

The phone number to Wang’s Chinese Kitchen

“The Aarons Family’s Mindwiper Punch”(Even if the recipe has been in your family for over three generations, this is still not acceptable.)

Recipes stolen from well-known chefs with their names crossed out in Sharpie

A piece of paper upon which is written, “When You’ve Got A Rack Like Mine, You Don’t Have to Cook, Yo”

50% off coupons for the Hoodia Rush appetite suppressant for “all the ladies who need to drop a few” and/or “all the ladies who like a good holiday buzz, y’all”

A recipe for “A Night of Animal Passion” ripped out of Cosmo magazine(We can’t even begin to tell you how unacceptable this is, and trust me when I say the members of our staff who made multiple photocopies of it have been dealt with accordingly.)

And finally, a photograph of a live turkey with the caption, “Bang!”

Mrs. Aarons, we sincerely hope you’ll take these suggestions to heart. We hope you’ll submit something that can actually include this year’s book, rather than once again be put through our industrial shredder. Let’s make this a happy holiday for all.
Sincerely,
The School Staff