Sharing my Heart

I am not a writer. I have never claimed to be. I really can't even remember why I started a blog. So many of the blogs that I follow have a purpose, but mine is just to have a place to share. I can share stories, struggles, and things that have stolen my heart.

In no form or fashion can what I'm about to write truly convey what is on my heart. I am currently sitting in my office in tears. Not sweet tears, but the ugly, streaming down my face, my heart aches tears. I'm having difficulty sharing this without the tears flowing down my face and ruining my make-up that I so painstakingly applied this morning.

God has a plan for everything. I feel as if God has just opened my heart to something that I have never even considered before. The reality of this actually coming into fruition is very very slim, but the thought of it happening shows how God is so mighty that even the smallest things are able to be used by Him.

I feel like I'm beating around the bush.

I have studied some form of sign language since I was in the 4th or 5th grade. In my hometown, they offerred classes to kids in the summer. I took a class pretty much every summer. I took Creative Writing, a Space/NASA class, and I took a sign language class. I remember taking home my sign language practice books and learning "Little Red Riding Hood." I loved it. I continued to learn ASL during high school, college, and now I'm teaching the youth at my church. I am not fluent, but I can tell a child about Jesus with my hands. I have even looked into becoming an interrepreter before. Needless to say, it's a hobby.

I have a passion for adoption. I would love to adopt or even work with parents who are trying to adopt. I have been praying that God changes the husband's heart with adoption. He is hesitant because he doesn't want to have a non-white child because he doesn't want the child to have to explain why he/she is red/yellow/black/white and his parents are straight up crackers. He also worries about the financial part of the adoptions. I would never push anything on him that he wasn't comfortable with, which is why I'm hoping that God changes his mind.

I was looking at a adoption conference that is coming up in May that I am considering attending. I was checking out the breakout sessions and I noticed that there was one that says:
Adopting the Deaf Child (Johnny and Beth Carr, Bethany Christian Services) ASL, Signed English, Cochlear Implant - all issues you will deal with when considering adopting a deaf child. When you adopt a deaf child, you actually enter the child's culture instead of the child entering your culture. Johnny and Beth Carr will share what they have learned from their experiences through two adoptions of deaf children and what you should consider if you are interesting in adopting a deaf child. (Adoption).

This is when the weird thing happened.

I broke down. Literally.

It was like God was telling me that my education and passion could be brought together to love a child. I have never even considered mixing the two together. Deaf children need to be loved to and I would be able to tell them that I loved them very much.

I was sitting in my office crying like an unstable lady, when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Crap. Someone was about to walk in and think I have lost my mind. Well, it was the husband. He showed up to take me to lunch without even calling. I was able to reassure him that I was not dying and that everything was okay. He was able to see my heart and how I truely felt about adoption. I'm going to start praying that God shows us what He wants us to do.