You never know

I'm basically in a state of shock. You grow up thinking certain thoughts about people and then you realize that those thoughts were just assumptions. Would it be weird to apologize to someone for the assumptions you made about them?

When I was 14 years old, I had my first boyfriend. He basically took over my life. I was obsessed to say the least. He consumed my time, my thoughts, my everything.

There was also this girl. I can't remember if she came around the first time the boy and I were dating or the second (because apparently I enjoy getting my heart ripped out of my chest twice) but the girl annoyed the snot out of me. Every time she saw my boyfriend and he saw her, they would do this slow-motion run thing towards each other.

I hated it. I hated it so much that to this day, ten years later, I still don't like this girl very much. She was pretty and perky and popular. Everything that I was not. I was the band dork who was waiting for the day for her "perfect" boyfriend to wake up and realize that the other girl was better. I voiced my feelings to the boyfriend and told him that I didn't like when they did that and I was jealous. He told me he understood and said they would stop. Then after we broke up, I found out that he had told the girl that I was really jealous and they could still hug but not in front of me. Classy, huh? She was skinny and beautiful and sang beautifully. In my mind, she was one of THOSE girls. You know, the ones who seem to have everything going for them.

While getting on facebook this morning, it popped up on my News Feed that she had a blog. I'm a sucker for blogs so I decided to check hers out. I found out things about her that I never would have guessed.

In her blog she confessed to having an eating disorder and what all she is doing to try to recover. She shared to be diagnosed to having major depression and that most of her family had been diagnosed as well. The fact that hit me like a ton of bricks was that before she was diagnosed, she tried to kill herself. When she was 16, she held a gun to her head and was going to kill herself.

I can't handle her good, and I can't handle her bad.

Here I was with these feelings of teenage jealousy when this girl really needed someone she could be honest with. This girl was a Christian and had many many friends, but apparently she felt that it wasn't good enough.

I can't help but feel like I need to get down on my knees and thank God for the life that I have, even the flaws and imperfections that he has given me. God has given me strength and He gave the high school version of Dana enough perseverance to make it through those years. I had a lot of heart break during those years. I dealt with my father and his depression. I had that "perfect" boyfriend break up with me and date my best friend. I had a lot of drama with my friends. But God loved me and provided better friends, a better boyfriend (who became the hubby), and a personality that I believes makes up for the fact that I might not be that girl who makes the heads turn when she walks into the room.

My world has been rocked. If my thoughts and misconceptions were so wrong about her, what else are the wrong about. I feel so awful about the things I thought about her. She needed that hug, regardless from who it was from.

This girl is now married, and I hope that God has blessed her with a supportive husband who helps her by reminding her to take her pills, to eat, and to trust fully in the Lord and not in others.

I assume that this post has a lot of typos or grammatical errors. I didn't have much time, but I wanted to get these thoughts out.

Thanks you,God for making me me and knowing what You are doing.