Happy Day after Christmas!!!!
I had such a wonderful Christmas and it was so much better than Thanksgiving!!!
Andrew and I left Christmas Eve morning right after he got home from work. We finished wrapping up some presents and making an I.O.U. card for my mom because her present hadn't gotten here yet and then we hit the road. When we arrived in Dyersburg, we first went to Andrew's house and sat with Katie (sis-n-law) and then went to my house. I wish that everyone could see my dog when she sees our family's dog. They love each other. I'm so thankful that we have a dog that gets along so well with most dogs. Andrew and I then went back to his house and waited for his dad to get home after being on the road since Thanksgiving. We then attended the First Baptist Church's Service to see my mom play. My sister and I have a hard time sitting by each other because we get so tickled. At First Baptist, their music minister talks just like Matthew McCaunahey(sp?) and their pastor is just like that page from 30 Rock. Christmas morning we opened presents with my family and then we to my grandparents home for brunch. After brunch we went to Andrew's house for lunch/dinner. We were able to spend a lot of time with each member of the family.
Here's a list of my Christmas presents:
1. Heated blanket
2. Cozy Cuff-like a snuggie but better
3. Sweater
4. 1 scarf
5. 2 scarf
6. 3 scarf
7. 4 scarf
8. 5 scarf
9. 6 scarf
10. 7 scarf
11. Then my grandmother made us play dirty santa for a guess what?
8 scarf
The funny thing about getting so many scarves was that they were all those $5.00 ones from Wal-mart and I didn't get a single repeat.
I got other things too:
My parents gave Andrew and I the rest of the money we needed for the chair we put in layaway. Yay!!!
One of my favorite gifts was the Bible my parents got me. It's my Big Girl Bible because it has my married name on it and it has a larger font so that I can read it as my blindness progresses during life. It's really really nice.
Today, I'm spending my day after Christmas wrapped in my Cozy Cuff and watching Love and Basketball.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Stuff Christians Like
I love love LOVE the stuff Christians like website. Jon Acuff has a way of being extremely funny; i.e. Why can't we have a Christian Lady Gaga?
He has started something called Serious Saturdays and this one just hit home to me.
9 words that changed my life.Dec 19th by Jon
"9 words that changed my life.", url: "http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/12/9-words-that-changed-my-life/" });
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Sometimes, hope hurts.
It shouldn’t. The phrase, “hope hurts” should be an oxymoron like “Lady Gaga gospel album.” But I promise you, it’s not.
Sometimes when you’re so deep in a season of hurt, you get used to the bad. You start to think you deserve it. You start to expect it and get comfortable with it and get numb to it. And like a creature that lives so far down on the bottom of the sea, you adapt to it. You cobble together little survival mechanisms that help you get through. You get by.
But hope is tenacious …
Even in the darkest of my days, when I’d journal about suicide and despair, a fragment of hope still bounced about softly in the dryer of my head. (When you’re married with kids and have lots of laundry to do, 42% of your metaphors and analogies become housework flavored.)
There was a problem though, there was a painful obstacle between me and hope. You see, I was so far down the path of hopelessness, I was so lost and selfish and bent on destruction that I found myself in a terrible lose-lose situation. For example: If my wife was kind to me, I felt hurt because she didn’t know how hurtful I was secretly being to her with porn and a cadre of lies that would have killed her. If my wife was mean to me, I felt hurt because she had been mean to me. Any way I turned, simply resulted in more grossness.
And that is one of sin’s goals. Not simply to remove the good from your life, but to have it actually serve as a weapon of mass destruction.
Have you ever felt that way?
Have you ever felt completely unworthy when someone offers you love?
Have you ever been ashamed of the lies you’re living when someone offers you truth?
Have you ever felt undeserving of something good, because deep down, you believed that person wouldn’t really love you if they knew who you were?
It’s very possible that I’m the only one, and that’s OK. But I do need to tell you about the 9 words in the Bible that changed the way hope felt for me.
I’ve written about this before, but I’m a big fan of “edge verses.” I’m a big fan of looking on the periphery of a scene in the Bible and seeing all the deep truth that often gets hidden amidst a major scene. And in Luke 22 that certainly happens.
Jesus is on the threshold of getting crucified. He has the last supper with his disciples. He is sharing his thoughts on the father and the concept of serving and ruling. There is a sense of great importance heavy in the air. In the middle of that, he has a short conversation with Simon about how he is going to betray him.
It’s going to happen. Jesus knows this, but he wishes it wasn’t. He says to Simon in Luke 22:31-32:
Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.
And then, in 9 words, he explains a big part of the reason I thought a mess-up like me could be a Christian.
Jesus tells Simon:
“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
That’s it, those are 9 really simple words, but they demand a second look.
Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, And when you have turned back? He’s saying:
And when you fail.
And when you sin.
And when you blow it and sell me out like a common thief.
And when you literally and physically turn your back on me.
And when you ruin it all.
When you turn back.
That concept is part of why our God is so different than everything we expect. We can turn back. There’s a return. There’s a comeback. There’s a loss and a brokenness and a state of falling, but you can turn back. That door is open. When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like.
Then you get to the part that is so easy to miss, the comma. Thank God for the comma, because that’s not how I would have written that sentence.
Mine would have looked more like:
“And when you have turned back, repent for three years before you try to get within a mile of my holiness.”
“And when you have turned back, don’t think for a second you’re qualified to tell other people about me.”
“And when you have turned back, here’s a long list of works you’ll need to do in order to clean yourself of the mistakes you’ve made and the consequences you’ve earned.”
But Christ doesn’t do that! He throws in a comma. He continues the sentence and simply says, “strengthen your brothers.”
Four years ago I ruined my life, but you know what?
God gave me the gift of the comma.
And that’s why I write Stuff Christians Like.
I have turned back. Not once, not twice, but a million times. And now it’s time to strengthen my brothers.
I don’t know what you’ll get this Christmas for a present, but please know this, God wants to give you the comma. He wants to give you grace. He wants you to know that when you have turned back, you can still strengthen your brothers.
It’s time to accept the comma of grace.
He has started something called Serious Saturdays and this one just hit home to me.
9 words that changed my life.Dec 19th by Jon
"9 words that changed my life.", url: "http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/12/9-words-that-changed-my-life/" });
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Sometimes, hope hurts.
It shouldn’t. The phrase, “hope hurts” should be an oxymoron like “Lady Gaga gospel album.” But I promise you, it’s not.
Sometimes when you’re so deep in a season of hurt, you get used to the bad. You start to think you deserve it. You start to expect it and get comfortable with it and get numb to it. And like a creature that lives so far down on the bottom of the sea, you adapt to it. You cobble together little survival mechanisms that help you get through. You get by.
But hope is tenacious …
Even in the darkest of my days, when I’d journal about suicide and despair, a fragment of hope still bounced about softly in the dryer of my head. (When you’re married with kids and have lots of laundry to do, 42% of your metaphors and analogies become housework flavored.)
There was a problem though, there was a painful obstacle between me and hope. You see, I was so far down the path of hopelessness, I was so lost and selfish and bent on destruction that I found myself in a terrible lose-lose situation. For example: If my wife was kind to me, I felt hurt because she didn’t know how hurtful I was secretly being to her with porn and a cadre of lies that would have killed her. If my wife was mean to me, I felt hurt because she had been mean to me. Any way I turned, simply resulted in more grossness.
And that is one of sin’s goals. Not simply to remove the good from your life, but to have it actually serve as a weapon of mass destruction.
Have you ever felt that way?
Have you ever felt completely unworthy when someone offers you love?
Have you ever been ashamed of the lies you’re living when someone offers you truth?
Have you ever felt undeserving of something good, because deep down, you believed that person wouldn’t really love you if they knew who you were?
It’s very possible that I’m the only one, and that’s OK. But I do need to tell you about the 9 words in the Bible that changed the way hope felt for me.
I’ve written about this before, but I’m a big fan of “edge verses.” I’m a big fan of looking on the periphery of a scene in the Bible and seeing all the deep truth that often gets hidden amidst a major scene. And in Luke 22 that certainly happens.
Jesus is on the threshold of getting crucified. He has the last supper with his disciples. He is sharing his thoughts on the father and the concept of serving and ruling. There is a sense of great importance heavy in the air. In the middle of that, he has a short conversation with Simon about how he is going to betray him.
It’s going to happen. Jesus knows this, but he wishes it wasn’t. He says to Simon in Luke 22:31-32:
Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.
And then, in 9 words, he explains a big part of the reason I thought a mess-up like me could be a Christian.
Jesus tells Simon:
“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
That’s it, those are 9 really simple words, but they demand a second look.
Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, And when you have turned back? He’s saying:
And when you fail.
And when you sin.
And when you blow it and sell me out like a common thief.
And when you literally and physically turn your back on me.
And when you ruin it all.
When you turn back.
That concept is part of why our God is so different than everything we expect. We can turn back. There’s a return. There’s a comeback. There’s a loss and a brokenness and a state of falling, but you can turn back. That door is open. When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like.
Then you get to the part that is so easy to miss, the comma. Thank God for the comma, because that’s not how I would have written that sentence.
Mine would have looked more like:
“And when you have turned back, repent for three years before you try to get within a mile of my holiness.”
“And when you have turned back, don’t think for a second you’re qualified to tell other people about me.”
“And when you have turned back, here’s a long list of works you’ll need to do in order to clean yourself of the mistakes you’ve made and the consequences you’ve earned.”
But Christ doesn’t do that! He throws in a comma. He continues the sentence and simply says, “strengthen your brothers.”
Four years ago I ruined my life, but you know what?
God gave me the gift of the comma.
And that’s why I write Stuff Christians Like.
I have turned back. Not once, not twice, but a million times. And now it’s time to strengthen my brothers.
I don’t know what you’ll get this Christmas for a present, but please know this, God wants to give you the comma. He wants to give you grace. He wants you to know that when you have turned back, you can still strengthen your brothers.
It’s time to accept the comma of grace.
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Christmas Story
I have heard the story of Jesus' birth since I was a small tot. Every Christmas my BamBam (Grandfather) reads us the story. Never once have I really really really considered Mary. It says in Luke that she was "favored" by God.
This is what we know:
1. She was a sinner
2. She was willing to do what was asked, even though she didn't really know what she was agreeing too.
3. She called herself a servant for God.
Mary had to have had some great characteristics in order for God to pick her to be Jesus' earthly mother. He must have known that she was going to be a wonderful mother and loved him without ceasing. It takes a strong woman to raise a child and then watch him die on a cross.
I wish that the Bible talked about Mary more. I wish we knew more of her characteristics.
I want to be like Mary. I want to be someone that God would choose to do something important. I don't think God would have chosen me to be the Virgin Mary. Thankfully, that ship has sailed. But to think that God might one day look at me and say, "I want Dana to..."
As much as I would want to be a Mary, I think I am more of an Elizabeth. God choose her as well, but to give birth to John the Baptist. Now, John was great but he wasn't Jesus. I also love how Zechariah doubted God's promise to him. I do that all the time. I say, "No Way. I think it will be better this way." To prove His point, God shut him up until Elizabeth gave birth.
Mary has compassion, humilily, and sympathy. I want that.
This is what we know:
1. She was a sinner
2. She was willing to do what was asked, even though she didn't really know what she was agreeing too.
3. She called herself a servant for God.
Mary had to have had some great characteristics in order for God to pick her to be Jesus' earthly mother. He must have known that she was going to be a wonderful mother and loved him without ceasing. It takes a strong woman to raise a child and then watch him die on a cross.
I wish that the Bible talked about Mary more. I wish we knew more of her characteristics.
I want to be like Mary. I want to be someone that God would choose to do something important. I don't think God would have chosen me to be the Virgin Mary. Thankfully, that ship has sailed. But to think that God might one day look at me and say, "I want Dana to..."
As much as I would want to be a Mary, I think I am more of an Elizabeth. God choose her as well, but to give birth to John the Baptist. Now, John was great but he wasn't Jesus. I also love how Zechariah doubted God's promise to him. I do that all the time. I say, "No Way. I think it will be better this way." To prove His point, God shut him up until Elizabeth gave birth.
Mary has compassion, humilily, and sympathy. I want that.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Sooo...I got called fat AGAIN today. Not in a nice way either. She just came right out and said, "You've gotten fat."
What do you say to that?
Here I was having a good day. I got up 30 minutes earlier to get on the treadmill and I did it. I did my hair this morning and got to work a minute earlier than necessary. Once again...at least my hair looks nice.
What do you say to that?
Here I was having a good day. I got up 30 minutes earlier to get on the treadmill and I did it. I did my hair this morning and got to work a minute earlier than necessary. Once again...at least my hair looks nice.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Poo on Self-Esteem
I have always had low self-esteem. I don't know if it is genetic, but I do believe that parents pass on their insecurities to their children. Growing up, I would hear my mom tell about how she was so shy and self-conscious growing up. She would share how she had horrible acne and that she didn't know how to tame her curly hair. I remember the first time I got a zit and she told me of my fate-My father and her both had horrible acne problems and I surely was going to receiving these little blessings. OH NO!!! Thankfully (and selfishly) the acne gene grazed over me and landed like a tub of oil and puss on my sister. I have had pimples, but not bad enough to have to go to dermatologists. The reason that I'm sharing this lovely piece of information with all of my devoted readers (hahaha!!!) is that I have to teach my young impressionable clients about self-esteem. I struggle with this every year. How am I supposed to teach these girls to recognize their strong points and be proud of how God created them when I constantly struggle with this myself?
Psalm 34:5 says: "Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."
2 Corinthians 3:18 says:
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Psalms 139
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Anyone who has ever lived with me would tell you that I am lazy with getting ready. I have gotten a little better with age, but I hate putting make-up on and doing my hair. In college, you were lucky if I showered that day. If I did shower, you could pretty much bet that my hair would be back in a ponytail and there would be little or no make-up on. I felt that make-up wasn't covering up my imperfections, so let them shine. I also didn't have much to do with my hair because it took so long to do.
I have learned several things though over the past couple of months.
1. I have great hair.
This takes a lot for me to say, because for the longest time I believed that there wasn't anything great about my appearance. I have come to this conclusion because of my mother. My mom complained about her kinky curly hair everyday and now it's gone. We don't know how her hair is going to look after it grows back after chemo, so her beautiful curly hair might be gone forever. I need to be thankful for what God has given me and take care of it NOW. I have been trying to do my hair more. I used to wear my hair in a ponytail at least 3 days out of the work week. Now, I'm only allowing myself to do that one time-unless there's an emergency and I am running extremely late.
2. I have pretty eyes.
This has not come out of my mind, but out of the mouths of babes. I was doing a visit with one of my precious children that I could just take home with me and love on and I had let her older sister participate in the visit. We were playing a game called "The Feel Good Every Day Game." I pulled a card that said "say something nice to the person on your right." I said something nice to the sister on my right. She wasn't supposed to say anything back to me, but she did. She told me that I had beautiful eyes and my client agreed with her. I just told the girls thank you, but inside I was thinking,"Do I really?" I did not go home and stare at myself in the mirror, but I just took their words for it.
High self-esteem can not be built by your parents telling you that you are beaufiful, it can not be built by your friend telling you that you are not ugly, and it certainly can't be improved by dating guys and marrying someone who is not ugly. I know that Andrew thinks that I am beautiful, but I could be a super model and still be dealing with self-esteem issues. Stephanie's job puts a majoy emphasis on outward appearance. I couldn't do it. Luckily, I am in a job that people just want you to care and listen. My friend Leslie who does the same job as me in another county said it wisely,"My clients don't fix their mullets for me, so why should I fix mine for them?" Leslie doesn't have a mullet by the way.
I am thankful that God uses me and that through my imperfections, God is made perfect.
Psalm 34:5 says: "Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."
2 Corinthians 3:18 says:
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Psalms 139
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Anyone who has ever lived with me would tell you that I am lazy with getting ready. I have gotten a little better with age, but I hate putting make-up on and doing my hair. In college, you were lucky if I showered that day. If I did shower, you could pretty much bet that my hair would be back in a ponytail and there would be little or no make-up on. I felt that make-up wasn't covering up my imperfections, so let them shine. I also didn't have much to do with my hair because it took so long to do.
I have learned several things though over the past couple of months.
1. I have great hair.
This takes a lot for me to say, because for the longest time I believed that there wasn't anything great about my appearance. I have come to this conclusion because of my mother. My mom complained about her kinky curly hair everyday and now it's gone. We don't know how her hair is going to look after it grows back after chemo, so her beautiful curly hair might be gone forever. I need to be thankful for what God has given me and take care of it NOW. I have been trying to do my hair more. I used to wear my hair in a ponytail at least 3 days out of the work week. Now, I'm only allowing myself to do that one time-unless there's an emergency and I am running extremely late.
2. I have pretty eyes.
This has not come out of my mind, but out of the mouths of babes. I was doing a visit with one of my precious children that I could just take home with me and love on and I had let her older sister participate in the visit. We were playing a game called "The Feel Good Every Day Game." I pulled a card that said "say something nice to the person on your right." I said something nice to the sister on my right. She wasn't supposed to say anything back to me, but she did. She told me that I had beautiful eyes and my client agreed with her. I just told the girls thank you, but inside I was thinking,"Do I really?" I did not go home and stare at myself in the mirror, but I just took their words for it.
High self-esteem can not be built by your parents telling you that you are beaufiful, it can not be built by your friend telling you that you are not ugly, and it certainly can't be improved by dating guys and marrying someone who is not ugly. I know that Andrew thinks that I am beautiful, but I could be a super model and still be dealing with self-esteem issues. Stephanie's job puts a majoy emphasis on outward appearance. I couldn't do it. Luckily, I am in a job that people just want you to care and listen. My friend Leslie who does the same job as me in another county said it wisely,"My clients don't fix their mullets for me, so why should I fix mine for them?" Leslie doesn't have a mullet by the way.
I am thankful that God uses me and that through my imperfections, God is made perfect.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Black Friday
Thanksgiving was wonderful!!
I came home on Wednesday night sans hubs to celebrate my dad's 50th birthday. My mom donned her wig and my sister, dad, and I ate at the new Japanese Hibachi restaurant in Dyersburg and then watched The Blind Side. That movie was wonderful and I enjoyed the time spent with family.
Thursday morning, my sister cook sausage pinwheels, which is a Holiday morning tradition. I then cooked Pineapple Casserole for my family's Thanksgiving meal. Andrew drove to Dyersburg that morning and I met him at his family's for their Thanksgiving. Andrew's family is always fun because at one point our nephew Jacob was being punished in the backroom, niece Anna was upset because Jacob had messed up her toys, Andrew's developmentally delayed sister Stephanie was also crying for some reason. Andrew did a wonderful job of calming his 28 year old sister down. The food was great, and then we immediately left for my family's Thanksgiving. I played Spinner Dominoes and Skip-bo with my sister, cousin, and grandmother. We had a wonderful time! Andrew had to leave that evening to head back to work.
Then Friday hit.
My dad had to get back on the road (truck driver) at 12:00am. When the truck was backing out of our driveway at 1:00am, Portia (my wonderful dog) started barking and growling at the huge lights at the cab. I fussed at her, she stopped. I went back to bed. Then she started again. I grabbed her and brought her into my bedroom. Portia did not want to stay in the room and fussed and whined. I then decided that if she wanted to be outside, she would go OUTSIDE! My original plan was to put her into the garage, but because of how my mom's van was parked I couldn't close the garage. At this point I didn't care, I threw the dog outside. I went to bed, not feeling guilty until I started thinking," What if she starts to chase a deer and runs too far away?" or "What if a bobcat gets her?" Thankfully, I woke up with her safely laying on the couch. I could wipe the sweat off of my brow.
My mom had a rough Friday morning. She said that she woke up feeling great and she knew that it was going to be a pretty good day. She shared with me that with chemo, not only did she lose the hair on her head, but her nose hairs as well. Because of that, she has no barrier to hold in any boogers or to stop her nose from running. Her eyes also water all the time. This particular morning, my mom was taking her liquid vitamin and suddenly had to run to the bathroom to throw up. My mom keeps using positive self-talk. All morning I heard her saying things to herself like:
1. Only 3 more [Chemo treatments] left. Only 3 more left.
2. You are not going to get sick. You are not going to get sick.
3. You will not throw up again. You will not throw up again.
4. You will get through this. You will get through this.
This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for family support. I never would have thought that this year would be like this. I'm ready for 2010 to get here and the chemo treatments to be in the past.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wendi Aarons
I love Wendi Aarons! I have been following her blog for a while. Sometimes her stuff is absolutely hilarious, and at other times it inappropriate. I realize that, but I still think that she is so funny. Here is her latest blog post from www.wendiaarons.com
Dear Mrs. Aarons,
Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for our school to put together its annual “Holiday Family Recipe” book. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how very special this book is to both parents and children alike. After all, what could be a more glorious way to celebrate the spirit of the season than by sharing our favorite family recipes with each other? I know my family’s Christmas Eve night wouldn’t be complete without “Joshua B.’s Favorite Egg Noggy” or “Madison R.’s Sugar Cookies.” (Although between you and me, “Ethan G.’s Pork Kabobs” never seem to agree with me.)
The school staff knows that you’ve enthusiastically participated in this project over the years, and we thank you for that. However, seeing as how there have been some, well, issues with most or all of your contributions, this year the administration has decided to give you some better guidelines as to what exactly constitutes a “traditional” holiday recipe. We hope that this will help give you a better understanding of what we deem appropriate for our very special book.
Acceptable Recipes:
Grandma’s Chocolate Cookies
Aunt Sally’s Cornbread
The Peterson’s Pumpkin Pie
Unacceptable Recipes:
A label of ingredients torn off a package of Double Stuffed Oreos
The phone number to Wang’s Chinese Kitchen
“The Aarons Family’s Mindwiper Punch”(Even if the recipe has been in your family for over three generations, this is still not acceptable.)
Recipes stolen from well-known chefs with their names crossed out in Sharpie
A piece of paper upon which is written, “When You’ve Got A Rack Like Mine, You Don’t Have to Cook, Yo”
50% off coupons for the Hoodia Rush appetite suppressant for “all the ladies who need to drop a few” and/or “all the ladies who like a good holiday buzz, y’all”
A recipe for “A Night of Animal Passion” ripped out of Cosmo magazine(We can’t even begin to tell you how unacceptable this is, and trust me when I say the members of our staff who made multiple photocopies of it have been dealt with accordingly.)
And finally, a photograph of a live turkey with the caption, “Bang!”
Mrs. Aarons, we sincerely hope you’ll take these suggestions to heart. We hope you’ll submit something that can actually include this year’s book, rather than once again be put through our industrial shredder. Let’s make this a happy holiday for all.
Sincerely,
The School Staff
Dear Mrs. Aarons,
Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for our school to put together its annual “Holiday Family Recipe” book. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how very special this book is to both parents and children alike. After all, what could be a more glorious way to celebrate the spirit of the season than by sharing our favorite family recipes with each other? I know my family’s Christmas Eve night wouldn’t be complete without “Joshua B.’s Favorite Egg Noggy” or “Madison R.’s Sugar Cookies.” (Although between you and me, “Ethan G.’s Pork Kabobs” never seem to agree with me.)
The school staff knows that you’ve enthusiastically participated in this project over the years, and we thank you for that. However, seeing as how there have been some, well, issues with most or all of your contributions, this year the administration has decided to give you some better guidelines as to what exactly constitutes a “traditional” holiday recipe. We hope that this will help give you a better understanding of what we deem appropriate for our very special book.
Acceptable Recipes:
Grandma’s Chocolate Cookies
Aunt Sally’s Cornbread
The Peterson’s Pumpkin Pie
Unacceptable Recipes:
A label of ingredients torn off a package of Double Stuffed Oreos
The phone number to Wang’s Chinese Kitchen
“The Aarons Family’s Mindwiper Punch”(Even if the recipe has been in your family for over three generations, this is still not acceptable.)
Recipes stolen from well-known chefs with their names crossed out in Sharpie
A piece of paper upon which is written, “When You’ve Got A Rack Like Mine, You Don’t Have to Cook, Yo”
50% off coupons for the Hoodia Rush appetite suppressant for “all the ladies who need to drop a few” and/or “all the ladies who like a good holiday buzz, y’all”
A recipe for “A Night of Animal Passion” ripped out of Cosmo magazine(We can’t even begin to tell you how unacceptable this is, and trust me when I say the members of our staff who made multiple photocopies of it have been dealt with accordingly.)
And finally, a photograph of a live turkey with the caption, “Bang!”
Mrs. Aarons, we sincerely hope you’ll take these suggestions to heart. We hope you’ll submit something that can actually include this year’s book, rather than once again be put through our industrial shredder. Let’s make this a happy holiday for all.
Sincerely,
The School Staff
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