The other evening, before I fell asleep, I was watching the beginning of a Seinfeld episode. Elaine, Jerry, and George were all standing on the side of the road together. Elaine then pulls out her cell phone and proceeds to call a friend to see how she was feelings. During the phone conversation, Elaine was experienceing very bad reception and eventually had to hang up because the static was so bad. George and Jerry then gave Elaine a very hard time about how horrible it was to call a friend on a cell phone. In fact Jerry even calls it a cell phone walk-and-talk. The Seinfeld dictionary says that it is
Cell Phone Walk and Talk - when a person calls to convey their concern (for a friend's sick relative), but callously calls from a cellular phone on the street out of convenience
George even calls Elaine's cell phone usage a faux paus. They inform her that it was very inconsiderate and her friend was most likely insulted because Elaine did not take the time to call from her home phone to show that she cares and that using your cell phone shows that you don't want to take time out of your busy schedule for a friend.
It's amazing how times have changed in just a short while. Andrew and I don't even have a home phone, much like many of my friends and in-laws. On one hand, it saves you money but in the process you miss chatting with random people when they call your home wanting to speak to someone else. I very rarely talk to my father or mother in-law because they don't call my cell phone. My fnl might call me if he knows that Andrew is asleep, but on the rare occurence that that happens, we don't chat and make niceties with each other.
My bff Steph (I like how that rhymes) and I have almost opposite schedules. I can usually talk during the day, while at night by the time Steph gets off work I am exhausted and I might be working on homework, which seems to be the case more often than not. If we didn't have cell phones, I dont' know what we would do. We tend to call each other at least eight times a day, but we might only talk once or we might talk all eight time, but only about a minute at a time. We have to use cell phones and call when we are in the car because that might be the only time that we have. Stephanie out of pocket from about 3:00-6:15 when the A Block is over on the news. Sometimes she doesn't get off work until 8 or so and that's when they kick her out of the station. Cell phones are a necessaity. Stephanie also has to keep up with 2 cell phones, one if which is like her baby. She almost does need a baby monitor for her cell phone, just in case. What did we do without them? Cell phones, not baby montiors.
Calling someone on your cell phone does show that you care, in fact I believe that it's more personal because not everyone has your cell phone number. You can look up someone's home number, but they might not want you to call them. In this day and age, you can even put a picture of someone when they call and assign them their own personal ringtone. My sister's ringtone sings,"Your sister is calling you, to see what you're up to." It doesn't annoy me too much, because typically we just text each other. There's a lady who works in my office and when her husband calls her (which is quite a bit) I hear,"Pookie, pick up your phone!" Someone else's ring tone is an obnoxious child laughing. Jerry said that he will never bow to the phone. Today we are not only bowing, but we are getting out of the cell phone's way.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Stressors
I know that everyone has a stressful life. People handle their stressors differently. Whenever I discuss stress with my clients I always enjoy telling them the story of how my college roommate decided that when her 20 page paper was almost due, that was the perfect time to organize her room, hang out with all of the friends she had neglected until a time like this and then she would stay up for 48 hours straight and complain about getting the paper done. My kids like that story.
Recently, I have felt the stressors in my life barrelling down on me. There is always a certain time of year when I start becoming more emotional/depressed/moody/whatever. I can't ever remember what time of the year that is. Steph, do you?? Maybe that's where I'm at right now.
Here's what's been going on:
I'm going to be as open and honest as possible.
Work: I have not been able to focus. I am so thankful for the people that surround me everyday that help me out. I don't know what I would do without them. They have been picking up from where my mind has left. It's almost as if I'm going through the motions when I'm here but I'm still missing things I'm supposed to do. Basically, I didn't complete some of my July casenotes and all of August. That's a lot of paperwork that I didn't do. I didn't NOT do them on purpose, I just couldn't. I couldn't stop and make myself do it. I feel as if I didn't have someone to be there emotionally for me, how could I be there emotionally for my clients? I felt myself being more irritable to everyone, even the dog. I kept thinking that no one would notice and that I would get back to normal with work and fix my mistakes before Amanda (my boss) would notice. Nope! I think Amanda finally had enough of my flakiness when I forgot to tell my clients that we were having group, so no one was prepared to come and we only had 2 kids there. The next day Amanda pulled me into her office. To make a long story short, she kindly informed me that she couldn't help me anymore because it didn't seem to be helping and that she couldn't understand how I was feeling and wasn't sure how to help. She shared that the "old" Dana would have seen some of the clients as projects and challenges that needed to be won instead of annoyances. She's right. She also shared with me that I was just the type of person they needed to be a director of a center once I got my Masters. She said that "They" were watching me and just waiting until I get my degree. She said that she couldn't let me fail when I was doing so good and she would hate to fire me.That woke me up big time. During the meeting, we both ended up crying and I admitted that I knew that I wasn't there mentally or emotionally for anyone. I feel as if I'm doing better.
School: I have had 2 papers due, 2 midterms, another paper, a Homicide walk, and a book to read. I'm doing pretty good, and what I listed might seem like normal grad school work except when you are going through things like were mentioned above, it's a lot more than that. I also got a letter in the mail saying that I owed $2,300 to Union. WHAT????? I had filled out the loan application (which I have never done before because I hadn't needed too). After I had filled out the loan application, I never not an email or letter saying whether or not I received the loan. I didn't know that I was supposed to. Does anyone have that much money laying around? I don't either. When I received the letter, I IMMEDIATELY called Union, and wouldn't you know it...We're on Fall Break and no one is there. I am having to wait to find out whether or not I am actually a student. While I am waiting to find out about that, I am having to pour my heart and soul into work that might not actually county towards anything.
I just got done hosting a group for D-Now at my house. We had 6 girls and 2 leaders. They really weren't that big of a hassle, except that I was their mode of transportation to EVERYTHING!! I also didn't feel good AND I thought that I might be pregnant.
On thinking I'm pregnant:
Okay, I found out that Yaz can cause some serious side effects. I personally know someone whose daughter died because of these side effects. During this time, I stopped taking my B.C. pills until I could contact my doctor and get my pills switched. It wasn't that big of a deal not taking them because I was spending a lot of time with my mom without Andrew. Andrew was also having to work 7 days straight and he was exhausted and slept everyday up until the time he had to leave the house. I finally had the chance to call my doctor and get it switched to another pill. When I went to Walmart to pick up the prescription that they had supposedly called in for me, it wasn't there because they hadn't called it in. I refuse to take anymore Yaz. Anyway, I know that the signs of being pregnant are very similar to when you are about to start your period and I had been having those symptoms for several weeks, but no such luck with "Aunt Flo." I also have been feeling flu-like symptoms which I also read could be a hint that you are pregnant. I am always the Girl Who Cried Wolf. I think that I am pregnant pretty much every month, but I actually haven't done that in a while. Anyway, I was sitting in my office and it HIT me!!! I had a sudden wave of nausea overcome me. I grabbed the nearest trashcan and nothing happened. It happened twice that morning, but then I felt fine that evening. I know that I have thought that I was pregnant several times before, but never seriously. It was only because my period was late even though I never missed a pill. This time I was serious!! After all of that, I am semi-proud to report that I am not knocked up. The reason that I am semi-proud is because I do want a baby, just not right now. No matter when I get pregnant, whether it's with my plan or God's I will be excited.
Hopefully this week will be so much better. Pray that I will get my loan situation figured out and be able to focus at work.
Recently, I have felt the stressors in my life barrelling down on me. There is always a certain time of year when I start becoming more emotional/depressed/moody/whatever. I can't ever remember what time of the year that is. Steph, do you?? Maybe that's where I'm at right now.
Here's what's been going on:
I'm going to be as open and honest as possible.
Work: I have not been able to focus. I am so thankful for the people that surround me everyday that help me out. I don't know what I would do without them. They have been picking up from where my mind has left. It's almost as if I'm going through the motions when I'm here but I'm still missing things I'm supposed to do. Basically, I didn't complete some of my July casenotes and all of August. That's a lot of paperwork that I didn't do. I didn't NOT do them on purpose, I just couldn't. I couldn't stop and make myself do it. I feel as if I didn't have someone to be there emotionally for me, how could I be there emotionally for my clients? I felt myself being more irritable to everyone, even the dog. I kept thinking that no one would notice and that I would get back to normal with work and fix my mistakes before Amanda (my boss) would notice. Nope! I think Amanda finally had enough of my flakiness when I forgot to tell my clients that we were having group, so no one was prepared to come and we only had 2 kids there. The next day Amanda pulled me into her office. To make a long story short, she kindly informed me that she couldn't help me anymore because it didn't seem to be helping and that she couldn't understand how I was feeling and wasn't sure how to help. She shared that the "old" Dana would have seen some of the clients as projects and challenges that needed to be won instead of annoyances. She's right. She also shared with me that I was just the type of person they needed to be a director of a center once I got my Masters. She said that "They" were watching me and just waiting until I get my degree. She said that she couldn't let me fail when I was doing so good and she would hate to fire me.That woke me up big time. During the meeting, we both ended up crying and I admitted that I knew that I wasn't there mentally or emotionally for anyone. I feel as if I'm doing better.
School: I have had 2 papers due, 2 midterms, another paper, a Homicide walk, and a book to read. I'm doing pretty good, and what I listed might seem like normal grad school work except when you are going through things like were mentioned above, it's a lot more than that. I also got a letter in the mail saying that I owed $2,300 to Union. WHAT????? I had filled out the loan application (which I have never done before because I hadn't needed too). After I had filled out the loan application, I never not an email or letter saying whether or not I received the loan. I didn't know that I was supposed to. Does anyone have that much money laying around? I don't either. When I received the letter, I IMMEDIATELY called Union, and wouldn't you know it...We're on Fall Break and no one is there. I am having to wait to find out whether or not I am actually a student. While I am waiting to find out about that, I am having to pour my heart and soul into work that might not actually county towards anything.
I just got done hosting a group for D-Now at my house. We had 6 girls and 2 leaders. They really weren't that big of a hassle, except that I was their mode of transportation to EVERYTHING!! I also didn't feel good AND I thought that I might be pregnant.
On thinking I'm pregnant:
Okay, I found out that Yaz can cause some serious side effects. I personally know someone whose daughter died because of these side effects. During this time, I stopped taking my B.C. pills until I could contact my doctor and get my pills switched. It wasn't that big of a deal not taking them because I was spending a lot of time with my mom without Andrew. Andrew was also having to work 7 days straight and he was exhausted and slept everyday up until the time he had to leave the house. I finally had the chance to call my doctor and get it switched to another pill. When I went to Walmart to pick up the prescription that they had supposedly called in for me, it wasn't there because they hadn't called it in. I refuse to take anymore Yaz. Anyway, I know that the signs of being pregnant are very similar to when you are about to start your period and I had been having those symptoms for several weeks, but no such luck with "Aunt Flo." I also have been feeling flu-like symptoms which I also read could be a hint that you are pregnant. I am always the Girl Who Cried Wolf. I think that I am pregnant pretty much every month, but I actually haven't done that in a while. Anyway, I was sitting in my office and it HIT me!!! I had a sudden wave of nausea overcome me. I grabbed the nearest trashcan and nothing happened. It happened twice that morning, but then I felt fine that evening. I know that I have thought that I was pregnant several times before, but never seriously. It was only because my period was late even though I never missed a pill. This time I was serious!! After all of that, I am semi-proud to report that I am not knocked up. The reason that I am semi-proud is because I do want a baby, just not right now. No matter when I get pregnant, whether it's with my plan or God's I will be excited.
Hopefully this week will be so much better. Pray that I will get my loan situation figured out and be able to focus at work.
Monday, October 5, 2009
My mom is losing her hair this week. The doctor told her that if she still had her hair by her 2nd Chemo treatment (Tuesday) then she won't have it the next day. My mom will be bald. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I have a difficult time talking about it and thinking about it. I guess it's like all things though, you think you can't handle it but you don't really have a choice. I will see my mom bald, get used to it. Probably by the time I get used to seeing her bald and with a wig, she will be done with her chemo and will be able to grow her hair back. Please pray for my family during this time. We need it.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
This week has been the longest week in my life. I never want to have this week again, but unfortunately I will have to repeat this week 7 more times. It was so hard seeing my mom suffer this week. She said that she had never felt that bad in her life and that she wasn't sure if the chemo was worth it. I reminded her that it was worth it and she had to fight. I spent most of the night rubbing her head and putting a cool washcloth on her forehead. Every time I filled up her drink or rewet her washcloth, I started to cry. I kept praying that God would take my mom's pain away and give me the strength to see her like that. I could never ever ever be a nurse. I was so glad when my sister got home. My mom will have four 1 1/2 hours of chemo and then four 4 hr chemo treatments. If I have a hard time dealing with the results of the 1 1/2 hrs of chemo, what will I do during the 4 hour. What will my mom be like during the 4 hour?
I feel so tired and I feel like crying. I need a good friend just to sit and take my mind off of everything. I don't want to go anywhere.
Oh yeah. I got a new car. That is my light for the day. I loved my 4Runner, but it wasn't running right and I need a car that is reliable for driving kids and taking my mom back and forth from chemo. My new car is an '05 Altima. I really really like it. It has really low miles and drives like a dream. I can't wait to see what adventures my car and I will have. What should I name it? Walt the Alt? It's up for consideration.
I feel so tired and I feel like crying. I need a good friend just to sit and take my mind off of everything. I don't want to go anywhere.
Oh yeah. I got a new car. That is my light for the day. I loved my 4Runner, but it wasn't running right and I need a car that is reliable for driving kids and taking my mom back and forth from chemo. My new car is an '05 Altima. I really really like it. It has really low miles and drives like a dream. I can't wait to see what adventures my car and I will have. What should I name it? Walt the Alt? It's up for consideration.
Monday, September 21, 2009
This week started out fabulous...
NOT!!!!!!!!
My mom's chemo starts tomorrow. I'm really really really really scared. Here are the things I am scared of:
1. My mom losing her hair
2. My mom being very sick
3. My mom looking sick
4. My mom not able to be herself.
5. Having to be at two places at once.
There's a lot more worries, plus I got into an arguement with a friend. My feelings were so hurt that I cried all the way home from her house. Maybe it hurt so bad because I don't have a good record with friends. Maybe it was because I have had friends run away from me and hide because they didn't want to play with me. I have had friends who cheated on me with my boyfriend. I have had friends stab me in the back. Lie to me about wanting to hang out with me. I just thought that this friend wouldn't do that to me. I now know where I stand in her book. Whatever. It's not like I don't have enough on my plate to worry about.
Anyways, if anyone cares (probably not many) try to remember my mom and family this week. It will be tough on everyone, especially my dad because he won't be able to be there. Life is sucking right now.
My mom's chemo starts tomorrow. I'm really really really really scared. Here are the things I am scared of:
1. My mom losing her hair
2. My mom being very sick
3. My mom looking sick
4. My mom not able to be herself.
5. Having to be at two places at once.
There's a lot more worries, plus I got into an arguement with a friend. My feelings were so hurt that I cried all the way home from her house. Maybe it hurt so bad because I don't have a good record with friends. Maybe it was because I have had friends run away from me and hide because they didn't want to play with me. I have had friends who cheated on me with my boyfriend. I have had friends stab me in the back. Lie to me about wanting to hang out with me. I just thought that this friend wouldn't do that to me. I now know where I stand in her book. Whatever. It's not like I don't have enough on my plate to worry about.
Anyways, if anyone cares (probably not many) try to remember my mom and family this week. It will be tough on everyone, especially my dad because he won't be able to be there. Life is sucking right now.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Weight Watchers
I couldn't take it anymore. I hate how I look and honestly...the Wii Fit told me that I was overweight. Nope!! That's not going to happen. I have joined Weight Watchers Online. I have joined for 4 months because one month was free. I enjoy that it's online because I can't do the meeting things. I went to a meeting one time and everyone there was old and they were a lot bigger than me. I felt like they were staring at me wondering why this "skinny" girl was there. I have to enter my weight once a week and the food that I eat. That's easy. I don't have to keep up with it myself. I get 23 points a day. I can do this! I just had breakfast and it was only 3 pts. I have 20 more points today. They said that I might not start seeing results until 3 weeks into the program. That's the part I don't like. I want to do crunches and see a flatter stomach immediately!! I'm not talking six-pack abs, just smaller stomach. I want my jeans to feel looser. That doesn't happen. I have done my Wii Fit everyday for this week. I have discovered that I enjoy yoga, but my balance is the pits. I have also discovered that the arm muscles that I gained in guard have disappeared, but my abs muscles are great. I used to love push-ups. They used to be the only activity I could get the presidential for during the physical fitness test(who came up with that?) You better forget about it. Andrew gets a good laugh at my attempts though. Oh yeah, and Andrew...he looses weight just by breathing and walking to get the mail. Is he exercising? No! He just works 3rd shift which throw off everything. If I hear him complain about how his jeans are all too small and his belts aren't keeping his pants up I will slice his throat!!
Mom starts chemo on Tuesday. Her first treatment lasts for an hour and a half, after the first one it will last for 3 hours. My mom is doing okay. She is having time to process, it still doesn't feel real to her. Man, this sucks!!
Mom starts chemo on Tuesday. Her first treatment lasts for an hour and a half, after the first one it will last for 3 hours. My mom is doing okay. She is having time to process, it still doesn't feel real to her. Man, this sucks!!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Dear Diary,
Today I went to church. I was in a bad mood. I thought I was going to be the assistant Sunday school teacher for 4th and 5th graders. I was wrong, I am the assistance Sunday School teacher for 4 and 5 year olds. Oops. I didn't know that I was signing up to teach a class of children that can't read. It will be fun though. Andrew's family were no shows today even though they said they were coming to visit. Now they are coming on Labor Day. I took a nap and didn't set an alarm, because of that I missed church tonight because I woke up too late. Who knew I would take a 4 hr nap. Stephanie came down this weekend and saved my butt. The house is starting to take shape. That is all.
Thanks for listening,
Dana
Today I went to church. I was in a bad mood. I thought I was going to be the assistant Sunday school teacher for 4th and 5th graders. I was wrong, I am the assistance Sunday School teacher for 4 and 5 year olds. Oops. I didn't know that I was signing up to teach a class of children that can't read. It will be fun though. Andrew's family were no shows today even though they said they were coming to visit. Now they are coming on Labor Day. I took a nap and didn't set an alarm, because of that I missed church tonight because I woke up too late. Who knew I would take a 4 hr nap. Stephanie came down this weekend and saved my butt. The house is starting to take shape. That is all.
Thanks for listening,
Dana
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